A Giant Apple Pancake

I go out to breakfast with the guys from my community group at church just about every other week. We had planned on this morning as our morning, but as the week progressed, it ended up that we weren't able to get it worked out. I decided that since I had to drive in to work anyway today, and I was pretty psyched for some Original Pancake House, I'd go have some breakfast by myself. As always, the food was great. Breakfast people watching is a lot of fun too. Breakfast places have their regulars, and it was interesting to watch them. Probably half of the small crowd of folks came in there enough for the waitresses to know who they were and how they took their coffee. If it wasn't such an expensive thing to do, I'd love to start off my mornings with that sort of breakfast.

Knowing that I was going to be alone, I brought myself a book to read. I have been reading a book called "Searching for God Knows What" off and on for the past month or so. It has had me thinking quite a bit. The chapter I was reading today as I sat there in between visits from the waitress keeping my coffee full was about morality. It was probably the most interesting/convicting chapter I have read so far. The idea was presented that we like morality because it is easy when compared to loving and honoring. If we have hard and fast rules to live by, we easily know where we stand. Rules are much easier to break than to betray someone we love. I've still got a lot more to thing about from that chapter.

Daniel Smith and Vic Mackey

There have been plenty of ups and downs in the past two weeks. A couple of really sad things, a couple of really good things, and all in all quite a blur of time. I'd say that life has been moving at a good pace, but I could still use some rest. It isn't much fun knowing that I don't have vacation days at work at my disposal. It is nice to finally feel a little more settled in there though.

In other news....
- I have been really sucked in by The Shield again. I don't watch much of anything on tv on a regular basis, but The Shield has become the only show I don't miss. If I don't get my fix of violent male soap opera every week, I feel somehow incomplete. I find myself going to The Shield forums on Wednesday and reading what people have said the episode the night before. Yes I am more of a dork than I even thought I was. I can't wait to see how it will all end.

- Daniel Smith is very intriguing to me. I have been watching a documentary about him, Danielson: A Family Movie and have been even more fascinated than I was before. He makes some weird music that certainly isn't for everyone, but his vision and passion for everything he does can be admired by anyone. I would highly recommend the documentary to anyone whether they are a fan or not.

Now concludes a very random post. Even though I didn't have much to say, I really wanted to write something today.

Playlist:
Shearwater - Everybody Makes Mistakes
Lost Dogs - Gift Horse
Johnny Cash - American III: Solitary Man
Voxtrot - Biggest Fan
Voxtrot - Mothers, Sisters, Daughters, & Wives
The Mountain Goats - The Coroner's Gambit
The Gravity Show - Fabulous Like You
Sufjan Stevens - Come On Feel the Illinoise
Cursive - The Ugly Organ
Mogwai - Mr. Beast
Page France - ...and the Family Telephone
Wilco - A Ghost is Born
Br. Danielson - Brother is to Son
Mazzy Star - So Tonight That I Might See
Mewithoutyou - Brother, Sister
Sufjan Stevens - Enjoy Your Rabbit
Low - The Curtain Hits the Cast

Or Not

At least I'll get back to a semi-normal sleeping schedule.

Baron Davis' Nasty Beard and Boris Yelstin's Thugs

The west coast basketball schedule is keeping me up way too late. The Mav's playoff run has gotten off to a pretty rocky start, but the games have certainly been exciting (though frustrating). Hopefully they can pull it out tonight and stay alive. It's pretty funny the amount of hatred that you can get for an opposing team over the course of a 7 game series. Getting sucked into basketball fandom wasn't something I would have ever guessed I would give into a few years ago, but now here I am with a late night of nervous watching ahead of me.

The past few weeks have been really good. They have been somewhat of a blur with a whirlwind trip to Nederland by way of a Nickel Creek concert in Houston, a lot of rain, a midnight trip to the art museum, with an early morning of finally helping out at church the next day, plenty of days sitting at work coding away, and of course basketball. I haven't had much time to sit down and do some things I was hoping to do, but I can't complain at what I feel has been time well spent. That is a nice thing to be able to look back on a couple of weeks and say.

Playlist:
Danielson Famile - Fetch the Compass Kids
Flaming Lips - At War With the Mystics
Danielson Famile - Tri-Danielson Alpha
Sufjan Stevens - Michigan
Low - Things We Lost in the Fire
Woven Hand - Mosaic
Over the Rhine - Films for Radio
Dismemberment Plan - Emergency & I
13 & God - 13 & God
Bonnie "Prince" Billy - Ease Down the Road
Blonde Redhead - Misery is a Butterfly
16 Horsepower - Secret South
Peter Bjorn and John - Writer's Block
Menomena - Friend and Foe
Beulah - Yoko

I Finally Jumped

Rather than spending all my time tonight sitting here tonight writing about things, I wrote an e-mail about finally finding somewhere to serve at my church. It is something that I have been putting off for no good reason. I have a ton of excuses, but none of them are worth typing. I had a good conversation with a friend tonight and was reminded of a couple of things. The conversation was quite rambling, and I'm sure my friend wondered where some of what I was saying was going. Through the conversation, I remembered that it is a joy to serve. It is a privilege that I have been a part of in far too long. I used to want to serve to a point that I didn't have time for much else, but it is something that I have resisted the whole time I have been in Dallas. I guess you could call it burnout, but that is a poor excuse for 3 years of nothing.

I don't know if what I e-mailed about doing will be what I end up doing, but I was excited to hit send. I will be glad to be doing something for someone other than me. Along with that, I can only skip phone calls and questions about serving for a little while. They know I need to serve. I know I need to serve. I wish I could explain why I have waited so long to jump.

Playlist:
Hem - Rabbit Songs
Sigur Ros - Takk
The Six Parts Seven - Casually Smashed to Pieces
The Clientele - Strange Geometry
Beruit - Gulag Orkestar
Clap Your Hands Say Yeah - S/T
Andrew Bird - Armchair Apocrypha
Muse - Absolution
Sleeping at Last - Ghosts
Lillium - Transmission of All The Good-byes
Great Lake Swimmers - Bodies and Minds
Robert Gomez - Brand New Towns
The Innocence Mission - We Walked in Song
The Magnetic Fields - Holiday
Will Johnson - Vultures Await
Wilderness - S/T
Flogging Molly - Drunken Lullabies

My Forgotten Holiday

I have taken a few shortcuts since my last post. There have certainly be some tough days since that post. I'd give myself an ok for the course though. I haven't done great, but I haven't fallen completely flat on my face. If that isn't a sign of God's grace, I don't know what is.

Easter, God's best picture of grace, is a holiday that always seems to sneak up on me. This year wasn't much different. I went to church, and made up an Easter basket for A, but other than that, I ended up paying more attention to golf than I did Easter. I don't even like golf that much. I'd call it a shortcut to calmness. It is very soothing to fall asleep to golf on TV on a Sunday afternoon. Rather than connecting, I withdrew. It is a frustrating cycle. Even still, I have a God, a wife, family, and friends that love me. I don't honor them as much as I should, but they all give grace whether or not I want to see or accept it. That's a nice thought to head off to bed on.

Recent Playlist:
Peter Bjorn and John - Writer's Block
John Hiatt - Walk On
Blonde Redhead - 23
Lassie Foundation - Pacifico
Bright Eyes - Cassadaga
Damien Rice - O
Someone Still Loves You Boris Yelstin - Broom
Sonic Youth - Daydream Nation
Caribou - The Milk of Human Kindness
Menomena - Friend or Foe
Sunny Day Real Estate - How It Feels to Be Something On
Trespassers William - Different Stars
Belle and Sebastian - If You're Feeling Sinister

Milestones

25 years and 11 months ago to the day, my life here began. It would be a while before I had memories of my own, but I am told (and there is photographic proof) that the day I was born, I kicked my twin sister leaving a inked footprint on her face. Life was easy, and I am told I was a calm baby.

2 years ago to the day, after a performance of Swan Lake, I drove a girl that I love to a building with a lot of fountains and asked her to be my wife. Never mind that the fountains were turned off due to high winds; she said yes, then we headed to get some cheesecake. Life was getting more complicated, but things were good.

4 months ago to the day, I sat at this same desk and started writing. I decided that I would write here every day for 25 days chronicling that short period of my life. I succeeded in writing at least something everyday, and I listened to a lot of music that I listed out, but I didn't do so hot with staying deep into the Word or memorizing scripture like I was planning on. I'd call the experiment about a 40% success. Life was complicated, but the music was good.

Today, here I am again. I was challenged by a simple sermon at church this morning, was disappointed by a poor out of the Mavs against the Suns, and I filed our taxes. Life is more complicated than it seems, and I find myself a bit lost sometimes. I get caught up in the troubles and politics of home and the office and relationships with people in general. I want to be a good husband and worker and friend, but I find myself much more interested in getting to the next day than putting effort in when the time arises.

My challenge this morning was in a sermon titled "No Short Cuts." The sermon was delivered under the premise that the message was simple, and the truth in it would be in the application. I have made it these 25 years and 11 months coming down a path that includes many shortcuts, many roundabout trips, and a few straight paths. I look back and see some things I wish I would have done differently, but all in all I can't complain about the grace and love that I have been given. I have a great life filled with a wife who loves me in spite of me being a jerk sometimes and more often than not I fail at loving in a way that she needs to be loved. I have a job that affords me some growth in knowledge and pays the bills along with some extra money that I waste more than I should. I have other friends and family that love and support me even when I am not open to letting them in, with all of this in spite of the fact that I don't call enough or give much back sometimes. I have a God who loves me in spite of the fact that I too often care more about myself than serving or

I'll turn 26 one month from today. I'm not going to write here everyday because I don't know how productive that would really be right now, but I am going to set some goals for the next 30 days, and I will be doing some more writing here for similar reasons to why I did in December. The card that was handed out after the sermon today outlined 3 things to make your prayer this month. Talk to God Daily. Read the Word daily. Pursue relations with other who can encourage me in my walk. These three are a good start. The first two are much more of a struggle than they used to be. The third is hard too. I have people in my life who can and do encourage me, but I need to be much more open to their encouragement and do a better job of being an encouragement to them.

I have been very drained by being too self involved. If I am going to be drained this month, I want it to be because I have spent my energy on being a better husband, worker, and friend. I want to make sure that at least every day, I am saying or doing something to encourage my wife. A goal for work is a bit tougher. I don't know how to quantify being a better worker, but I know that I haven't been as diligent as I should. I would also like to make a better effort to get to know my co-workers. With friends and family, I would like to do a better job of staying in contact. I would like to make sure that at least once a day, I am doing something directly related to encouraging or helping them be it e-mail, a call, or something else.

Withdrawing isn't working. It hasn't been my plan at all, but in the terms of this morning’s sermon, the shortcuts have led me here. It seems like probably once every couple of months, conviction reaches this point with me, and I'll make some sort of grand statement of intent. Sometimes that statement is verbal. I've written it. I've thought about it and held it in. Time after time, I have made it to this point and still not been able to make it over the hump. I don't know what is going to separate this time from others over the last couple of years, but I can do nothing but read, pray, and make efforts to engage.

Recent Playlist:
A ton of Bob Dylan - Nashville Skyline, Blonde on Blonde, Hwy 61 Revisited, Love and Theft, Time Out of Mind, John Wesley Harding, Slow Train Coming, Blood on the Tracks
R.E.M. - Automatic for the People.
Patty Griffin - Children Running Through
The Paper Chase - Now You Are One of Us

Down To His Last Guitar

Bill Mallonee is one of my all time favorite song writers. He's the epitome of everything everyone says about a lot of the greats. Great stories, amazing with words, heart on the sleeve. I've seen him perform probably ten times over the years, and he has always had something new to wow me with. It has been quite a while since I have seen him. He hasn't made it anywhere close to me in a couple of years, and I hadn't given him much attention in my listening for a while. About a month and a half ago, I started a rediscovery of sorts with his music. I was again wowed by how good the songs were. I was floored by Judas Skin just like the first time I had ever heard it. He is able to convey hope, love, and pain in song better than anyone else I have ever heard. I decided to try to catch up a bit with what he was up to.

I was a bit disappointed to find that things hadn't been going so well for him. So many of the amazing songs of love were about his wife Brenda. He wrote songs that I'm sure made her blush. His songs were honest and fearless. There was always "Another song for Brenda, Another tune for Josh and Joe, Another postcard from the highway." Here was a guy who was out on the road a lot, but you could tell he loved his family. Sometime over the past couple of years, Bill and Brenda split up, and not too long after, Bill married another woman. Knowing that makes it a bit hard to go back and listen to some of the songs. It makes you a bit sad for everyone involved. I don't know the story, nor do I feel like I should, but it certainly changes the way you listen.

He isn't playing as many shows as he used to. From some post of his I read on his mailing list, It doesn't sound like it is necessarily by choice. About three years ago, I saw him play his heart out in front of twenty people in a storefront in Huntsville, and then two months later, play it out again in front of several thousand in a field in Illinois. He didn't seem to care how big the audience was, he just seemed to love being out on the road sharing what he was good at. Now he is struggling with no booking agent and having to sell equipment to pay the rent. He was trying to sell a beautiful Rickenbacker that I saw him use a couple of times. Once it was sold, this amazing songwriter would be left with one playable guitar as his last instrument.

The tools of my livelihood are not as concrete as a guitar, but I like the analogy. Wherever I go, they'll always give me a computer to bang away on. I don't have to prepare what I do to go to work and make a living. I go, sit down, code away, then come home and don't have to worry about it. I complain about it sometimes, and wish that life was more exciting, but this is what God has for me right now. My hope for this week is that I can go into it with a less distracted mind. There is always something going on to keep me unfocused on whatever it is I would like to be focused on at the time, be it work, relationships, or just life in general, but at least I am not down to my last guitar.

If you are interested in Bill Mallonee, click on the link to the side of my blog. If you have heard him before, give him another chance. He has the album Summershine available for a free download at www.volsounds.com. It isn't necessarily representative of everything else he has ever done, but I still love it. If you like what you hear, buy something from him.

On the Downhill Slide

At least Wednesday made it a bit more quickly this week. I can't believe how long these past few weeks have seemed. Things have settled out a bit at work by way of drama, which is a good thing. The days are very slow though. It is strange to go from working on so many things at once to one specific thing all day. I am learning a lot of new stuff, and as I am getting to know people a bit better. I am liking the job, but I'll be ready for the days to start feeling shorter.

Things are still far from in order. Life is moving at a completely different pace than I am. Today seemed like maybe a step towards getting in sync, but who knows. I can't believe I have been so exhausted by moving at such a slow pace.

Still listening to tons of music during the day, so I'll list it out for my interest.

Even More Mostly Mopey Music:
Low - Drums and Guns
The Violet Burning - Lipstick and Dynamite Wonder
Beruit - Lon Gisland EP
My Bloody Valentine - Loveless
The Velvet Undergroud - The Velvet Underground and Nico
All Things Bright and Beautiful - Love and Affection
Antony and The Johnsons - I Am a Bird Now
The Cure - Pornography
Havalina Rail Co. - Russian Lullabies
Why? - Elephat Eyelash
Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds - The Boatman's Call
Suffering and the Hideous Thieves - Rats in Heaven
Cursive - Domestica
The Mountain Goats - Tallahassee
Andrew Bird - Armchair Apocrypha
Don Peris - Go When the Morning Shineth

Lipstick and Dynamite Wonder

Listening to it again as I wandered around town this evening reminded me of why I love the album Lipstick and Dynamite Wonder by the Violet Burning so much. I think I would have to stay out of a bad mood for a very long time for it to fall from a list of my all time favorites. I know I have written about it before here when I was listing my favorite albums, but I can guarantee that it hit me completely differently today than it did when I wrote that. I didn't want to be comforted tonight, but like always the album again had me close to tears.

The album is very dark, but with enough hope that it doesn't go over the edge. I love swirling guitars, and this album is full of them. There are so many layers of sound to each song, and such desperation in Michael Pritzl's voice. I don't know the whole back story, but it would be safe to say that things weren't going too well for him at the time he was writing these songs.

I came here
looking for love
reaching for your love in the dark
but you were fading
and I'm blind
stone blind
and I can't reach you
- from Blind

Have I gone too far?
lately, it's more than just a little bit hard
cause I'm caught underwater breathing
breathing is hard
- from Underwater

Things are rough right now, but there's some hope.

Today's playlist:
The Violet Burning - Lipstick and Dynamite Wonder
Smile Smile - Blue Roses
Tom Waits - Rain Dogs
Sound Team - Movie Monster
Devotchka - How It Ends
A Northern Chorus - Bitter Hands Resign
Jens Lekman - You are the Light EP

The Week That Wouldn't End

To say it has been a hard week would be quite an understatement. It has been a long time since I have had a week reach close to how bad this one has been. I won't go into details of everything that has happened, but I'll hit a couple of the high (well really low) points.

On Tuesday afternoon, I got word that my cousin had been killed in a car wreck that morning. She was driving down a pretty bare road in foggy weather, and broadsided an 18 wheeler. There were 7 other people in the minivan with her, a mother and her 6 kids who my cousin babysat. Everyone else made it out alive thankfully. I can't imagine the grief that my aunt and uncle are going through. My cousin was only 22 and was my aunt and uncle's only child. She had just finished up her training to be a massage therapist and was saving up money to get her license. Everyone was very proud of her, and she will be very missed. We will be heading up to my aunt and uncle's hometown tomorrow for the funeral. Please pray for my family, especially my aunt and uncle.

Additionally, in what amounts to a much smaller, yet still stressful problem, Thursday morning at work, my big boss was fired. Similar circumstances were what started the ball rolling on what led up to me leaving my last job. I couldn't believe that after only three weeks, things looked like they were starting down the same path. Thankfully things cooled off a bit after another meeting this morning. Hopefully they will continue going in a good direction, and things will be better off, but it is hard being new and not knowing.

There has been plenty else going on adding to the stress. Yesterday when I got home from work all I could do was lay around for a while. On even less important notes, I was pretty bummed to miss a show I had been looking forward to for a long time (and had tickets to) with Page France, Margot and the Nuclear So and So's, and Denison Witmer. Hopefully they will all make it through again soon.

Tomorrow will be a tough day, but I am glad the weekend finally made it. I hope that even in the midst of a lot of sadness and stress, I will have some peace and rest.

Recent Long Playlist:
Malcolm Middleton - A Brighter Beat
Tacks, The Boy Disaster - Oh, Beatrice
The Twilight Sad - The Twilight Sad
The Violet Burning - Demonstrates Plastic and Elastic
Joanna Newsom - Ys
Page France - Tomato Morning Tour EP
The Violet Burning - Lipstick and Dynamite Wonder
Nourallah Brothers - Nourallah Brothers
LN - Dirt Floor Hotel Pt. 2
Califone - Roots and Crowns
Denison Witmer - Philadephia Songs
The Arcade Fire - Neon Bible
The Innocence Mission - Birds of My Neighborhood
Robert Deeble - 13 Stories
Over the Rhine - Drunkard's Prayer
Pedro the Lion - Control
The Choir - Kissers and Killers

A Slow Start

Things have started off pretty well at the new job. The days are quite slow at the moment though. I don't really know too many people, and I have zero responsibility so far. The long days sitting there slowly converting code lends itself well to a lot of music listening though. I have made it to a bunch of stuff I hadn't given much of a chance yet along with a bunch of old favorites. Here are the discs I have been listening to.

Arcade Fire - Neon Bible
White Whale - WWI
Mates of State - Team Boo
Robert Earl Keen - Picnic
Cocteau Twins - Victorialand
Patty Griffin - Children Running Through
Josh Ritter - Hello Starling
Film School - Film School
Ben Kweller - Sha Sha
Grizzly Bear - Horn of Plenty
Prince - Purple Rain
The Whitest Boy Alive - Dreams
The Besnard Lakes - The Besnard Lakes are the Dark Horse
Richard Swift - Dressed Up for the Letdown
Woven Hand - Consider the Birds
Silversun Pickups - Carnavas
Regina Spektor - Begin to Hope
Margot and the Nuclear So and So's - The Dust of Retreat
Frank Lenz - VileLenz and Thieves
Fishboy - Zipbangboom
Fields - 7 From the Village
Hem - Funnel Cloud
The Smiths - Meat is Murder
Cold War Kids - Robbers and Cowards
Gileah - The Golden Planes
The New Year - Newness Ends
Voxtrot - Biggest Fan

Wow, that was more than I had thought I had listened to. I really have been sitting there for a long time. I guess I should enjoy these days while they last, and get around to a few more discs that have been sitting there hidden on my ipod.

Skee Ball and New Ties

After a skee ball death match to determine who would take over my duties as floor fire marshall, my time as part of the team my old job officially ended. Today was my first day of unemployment, but it was nice to get a chance to meet up with everyone after they got done for the day. As much difficulty as I had with work over the past few months, the folks I got to hang out with today were almost never part of the problem. They are a great group of people who I had a lot of fun with. We did a lot of good work and had lots of laughs over almost three years.

Tomorrow will be my last day of unemployment before starting in a new place. As I have said before, it will just be a couple of blocks away, but it will definitely be a big change. I spent some time the day preparing for my transition in the being sharply dressed. My wife is very excited about that change, but I'm not thinking it will be much fun. It all begins at 8:00 on Monday morning though.

Today's Playlist:
Explosions in the Sky - All of the Sudden I Miss Everyone
Lassie Foundation - California

Oh The Times They Are A'Changing

Well, it has been a while since I have posted. When I started this blog, I made a conscious effort to try not to ever start a post with those words. I don't think I have done it so far, but even still, I decided to break that rule with this post. The reason I haven't posted isn't that I haven't had time, or I haven't had anything to post about. Mainly, I didn't post because the overarching theme of the new year so far has been my search for a new job. Since I didn't want to screw up things with the job I currently have, I didn't think that posting about that would be wise.

Not feeling like I should talk about that changed last Thursday when I formally accepted a job with a new company, and subsequently gave my two weeks notice at my current job. It has been an odd but exciting past several days. I am looking forward to making a change that I think will be a good one. The last several months have been really toxic at work for me. I have felt like I should probably go for a while, and events over the last few weeks have really confirmed that as the correct decision.

The job is still in the financial world, this time at an investment bank, and my new building will only be two blocks away from my old one. I will have to step it up in the dressing up department, which is one of my bigger fears about the new job. I'll have to see what I think of having to wear a stinking tie every day. The people at the new place have been great so far, and I think the work will be interesting. It will be tough to leave behind friends at the old place though. At least we will still be close by, and hopefully they will still be up for a La Fiesta Fruits run now and then.

I'm going to go for now, but I do have tons of things to post about when I finally sit down to write some more later this week. Here's a list of potential topics:
- The Michael Roe vs. Michael Pritzl show I saw Friday night
- The way that community is really starting to feel a bit more real to me, and God is using that in me
- The genius of Bill Mallonee
- Current listenings including the new Patty Griffin disc
- A really sappy post

If there are any of those topics that you want to read more than any others, let me know, and maybe I'll write about it first. I have a lot to say at the moment, but realistically, I won't get the words all down before I decide to start writing about something different.

Day 28 - The End of the Season

Well, the Ags just ended their season with a wimper. The game was a pretty bad loss, and coupled with an Okie State win, and UCLA's loss last night, my bowl pick'em ranking is going to take a big hit. At least the Mavs had a good win tonight. Sitting there during the game thinking about what I was going to write tonight, I decided that I'd end my season with a wimper tonight too.

It has been 28 days of posting. Some post have been rants, some have been decently thought out, and some (especially these last couple) have been thrown together at the last moment just to get something up to meet a requirement I set for myself. I am glad that I have posted a bunch, but at least for now, I am going to take a break. I'll be back posting in a few days, but probably I'd doubt I'll be back to posting one a day. Thanks for reading, and the encouragment I have gotten from comments both on here and outside of here.

Today's Playlist:
Hood - Outside Closer
16 Horsepower - Low Estate
Israel Kamakawiwo'ole - Facing Future
Joseph Arthur - Come to Where I'm From
Isis - Oceanic

Day 27 - Back to the Grind

I spent most of today with my head down coding away at my project at work. Days like today usually feel pretty short, and today was no exception. I get a lot done and spend less time looking at the clock, but I don't like being so disconnected. There are going to have to be a lot more days like today between now and January 16th though.

For tonight, I am going to keep on with the trend of mindless short writings and go watch some football. The UCLA/FSU game is looking pretty interesting from the score. I hope UCLA wins. My bowl pick'em ranking depends on it.

Today's Long Playlist:
Sound Team - Movie Monster
Julie Miller - Broken Things
Justin Rosolino - Wonderlust
Voxtrot - Mothers, Sisters, Daughters, Wives
The Mountain Goats - Get Lonely
Danielson - Ships
Patty Griffin - Living With Ghosts
Nirvana - Unplugged in New York

Day 26 - Boxing Day

I don't know what I will title tomorrow's post. After a long day at work, not particularly bad, just long, I don't really want to sit down to write like I was planning on. I'll write more tomorrow and come up with at better title.

Today's Playlist:
Richard Buckner - The Hill
TV on the Radio - Return to Cookie Mountain
Mat Kearney - Nothing Left to Lose

Day 25 - Merry Christmas

Well, I have reached the end of the 25 days I allotted for my little experiment. I made my goal of posting every day. I fell quite short of my goal of spending time in the Word every day, though I did do much better than I was leading up to these 25 days. I listened to a lot of music, but that doesn't really suprise me.

I don't feel like I am quite ready to stop yet though. After not getting to sit down and write like I would have liked over the past few days, I think I want to extend things a couple more days. I got to thinking about some things over my time out of town, and I want to spend a bit more time with some of those things. The bottom line is that for at least the next three days, I will continue my streak. I don't have much more to say tonight other than that. Posting about posting.....isn't that awesome.

I hope you had a great Christmas day.

Today's Playlist (as selected by DJ A in the car all the way back from West Monroe):
Nicole Nordeman - Woven and Spun
Jennifer Knapp - Kansas
Kendall Payne - Jordan's Sister
Many many other female singers that I don't listen to aside from letting my wife drive the radio. Whatever Christmas songs the radio chose to play.

Day 24 – Christmas Eve

Christmas Eve came and went without much going on. It is almost over, and the weekend at A’s parents’ is winding down. It isn’t a bad thing to be away from my family for Christmas, but it is just different. I’ll sit down and finally write some more tomorrow when I get back to Dallas. It has been hard to find time to get away.

Day 23 – A Day at Home

It wasn’t my home, but it was home of a certain description. When we are at one of our homes or the other, life always seems much slower. For that weekend or whatever period of time being there is for, it is difficult to figure out what to do. There usually ends up being some degree of tv watching that wouldn’t be done otherwise. There usually ends up being some sort of moment where we do something that neither of us wants to do, but we do it anyway. It always seems like home never changes, but I feel like I have changed a lot every time I go back. That isn’t a 100% true statement, but it is something for me to ponder.

I have been away from “home” for a long time now. It has been eight years since I have spent significant time at “home.” I don’t feel like I have really replaced home yet. I am finally settling in to Dallas, and I think I could get used to the idea of it being where I am from. I am attached to the city. City life suits me well. There are all sorts of place to go, thing to see, and things to do. I can try new things. I can go cd shopping at tons of different places whenever I want to. Whatever I might need or want can usually be found somewhere. I think the last hurdle I have to really feeling at home there is to overcome the anonymity that city life makes so easy. When you take me and put me into a giant place with tons of new people, I have a tendency to fade into the background. I don’t do anything to stick out, and I don’t make any effort to make things any different. Home cannot be that. Home is where you know and are known. There really isn’t time tonight to write out things like I would like to. I’ll have to come back to all of this a different day.

I am still staying put in the beginning of Luke. I guess I am about four times through it as of today.

Today’s Playlist:
Many songs on the radio in the car
Over the Rhine – Drunkard’s Prayer

Day 22 – Travel Day

This begins posts that I wrote over the weekend while I was out of town. None of them are anything more than half begun thoughts and some very boring commentary on the day. I didn't even listen to much interesting music any day other than Day 22. I'll post them all anyway though just for the sake of being complete. I am going to extend writing a couple more days though to flesh out a few more thoughts. I backdated these posts to approximately the time I wrote each of them.

I didn’t get to it down and write as much as I had hoped today. The morning got away from me really quickly. Everything seemed to take a little longer than I wished it would. We made it to West Monroe with no problems though. On the way I got to talk to some folks including my friend, Jason. I never get to talk to him as much as I wish I did. It was good to talk to him for a few minutes, and it will be ever better to see him and Lori next weekend.

Today’s Playlist:
Smile, Smile - Blue Roses
Early Day Miners - All Harm Ends Here
Appleseed Cast - Low Level Owl, Vol 1

Day 21 - Done With Work For the Week

A late decision on my part to take tomorrow off left today as the last day I will be working for my 25 days of posting. I have written at length about work, but I haven't come to any real conclusions. It has been good to vent though. I have a sneaking suspicion that I will go back to these posts a year from now and upon rereading them, wonder what I was thinking. Only time will tell.

We leave tomorrow just after lunch to head to West Monroe. I'll sit down and write some more before then. Posts on Saturday and Sunday might have to wait until we get back in town to be posted, but I will definitely make every attempt to write them on the correct days.

Today's Playlist:
Ninety Pound Wuss - Shorthand Operation
A.C. Newman - The Slow Wonder
T-Bone Burnett - The True False Identity
Sleeping at Last - Ghosts of Christmas Past

Day 20 - Five More to Go

Only five days left. I can't believe I have made it without skipping out. I was about to not write anything tonight, but I decided that a little something was better than nothing. Adrian is out of school for two weeks starting today. That isn't fair. I do have a hurdle that I just jumped that I am excited about. Now isn't the time to talk about that though. Now is the time to stop writing.

Today's Playlist:
Mum - Finally We are No One
Rosie Thomas - These Friends of Mine
Woven Hand - Mosaic

Day 19 - Rainy and Nasty

Today was a blah day. Work was the usual, except with more Santa hats and some food. It was a pretty bad day, but I can probably blame my bad attitude for it as much as I can anything else today. The weather fit the mood pretty well though. The free food around lunch time did leave me with a great time to get out and read about the birth of Christ during my lunch.

I walked down to sit by the fountains at one of the buildings a couple of blocks from mine, and with a slight drizzle falling for most of the time, I read through the second chapter of Luke. I thought about the inconvenient timing of God's plan for the birth of His son. No human would choose that timing. Two couples that mean a lot to me have just welcomed new babies into their families this week. Both couples are amazing Godly people, but I can't help but think they wouldn't be pleased with similar circumstances surrounding the birth of their children. I feel like both couple are sensitive to God's purposes for their lives, but I would imagine that they would be hard to convince if they were told that God's plan for them was to welcome their new baby into the world from an unclean, unequipped location.

It's a really broad generic statement, but I want to be more prepared for God's direction than I am. I am too easily absorbed by how I think things should go. I have spent so much on my plan that I have left little attention to the direction of Him in my life. Even aside from the person of Jesus, God's plan for Jesus' birth is yet another example straight out of His word that should have a major effect the way I relate to Him. I know I can trust His plan. It may not sound perfect, but it is.

Today's Playlist:
Michael Pritzl - Hollow Songs
Antony and the Johnsons - I Am a Bird Now
Ben Folds - Rockin' The Suburbs
Bill Mallonee - Dear Life
Explosions in the Sky - The Earth is Not a Cold Dead Place
Hood - The Lost You EP

Day 18 - How Did it Sound?

I'm not going to complain today. I don't want to go down that path tonight.

I spent some time reading up to the Christ's birth in Luke today. From the view that hit me today, I couldn't help but think of how it would be much different the story of Zechariah and Elizabeth leading up to the birth of John the Baptist, and the story of Mary and Joseph leading up to the birth of Jesus would be portrayed today. Zecharaiah and Elizabeth would make for a great story in the oddities section. Mary and Joseph would make a juicy story for the news magazines to pick up on. "Delusional Teenager Thinks She is Pregnant with Son of God, and Get This...Fiancé Believes Her Too" These two stories show a lot of faith on the part of a lot of normal people, not to mention the hugeness of God's love for us. Luke 1 is a great example of people who were far less cynical than I am. They believed God for what He said. There was some doubt....it even caused a case of muteness, but they trusted His plan and saw amazing things.

Today's Playlist:
Shearwater - Palo Santo
Band of Horses - Everything All the Time
The Paper Chase - God Bless Your Black Heart
Margot and the Nuclear So and So's - The Dust of Retreat

Day 17 - Lazy Sunday to Follow Lazy Saturday

Once again, not much to say about today. I enjoyed being at church today though. The music and the message had me quite moved. I'll probably talk some more about the message a different day when I want to sit down and write some more. I think it is certainly worth a listen. It should show up at www.watermarkradio.com sometime this week. The topic was kindness, and it was a message I needed to hear today.

Got to play some tennis and hang out a bit with Mr. Pennington this evening. That always makes for good times and usually bad tennis. I should have beat him today, but my serve disappeared late in the set. The exercise is good though.

Today's Playlist:
The Futureheads - The Futureheads
Midlake - The Trials of Van Occupanter
Modern English - After the Snow

Day 16 - Lazy Saturday

Today was a pretty lazy day. Got up and did a few things. Went back to sleep. Tried to brave the post office and gave up. We did go shopping a bit, but it wasn't anything too major, and we tried to avoid hot spots. We didn't have much success, but we did survive.

Today's Playlist:
Astronautalis - Mighty Ocean and Nine Dark Theaters
Sufjan Stevens - Chrismas Vols 3 and 4

Day 15 - Coffee, Smoothies, Fruit, and Mexican Food

Going out for lunch is an expensive habit. It is nice to get out of the office and take a walk though. It is hard to sit at my desk and eat a sandwich when there are tons of places to get out and eat something much better. Sometime last fall, we walked to the West End with the plan to eat at Chipotle, but due to the long line, we decided we would be brave and try out an odd little storefront that was selling all sorts of things. On the counter, they had a cutout article from a local newspaper claiming they had the best bowl of chicken soup in Dallas. That day the three of us all had a bowl and from there on out, we were hooked. I haven't had the soup in a long time, but about once every week or two, some group of us will make the walk down to that place, La Fiesta Fruits.

After a trip to the post office today, I decided I would make the walk. Some gorditas sounded mighty tasty. I was by myself, but I walked in to the same setting that we ended up loving as much as the food. The owner Daniel, who now knows us, greeted me and asked where everyone else was. Everyone else had something they were doing, but I ordered my gorditas with some orange/watermelon juice and sat down at the table we almost always sit at. That quirky little fruit stand is my favorite place to eat, and even really one of my favorite places to sit downtown. We used to joke about how we entered a time warp when we were in there. It is sort of silly, but that place is one of the little things that reminds me that there really are good things about my job.

When we started going to La Fiesta, we were on the tail end of a big project that we were really excited to finish. We ended up doing what we all think was a really good job on that project. It was a huge change that would open up a lot of possibilites for what we could do. Since we completed that project, a lot has changed. We have worked nonstop under deadlines that are unrealistic with requirements that are contantly changing. We have taken a lot of flack for things that are completely out of our control. The corporate politics and power struggles of working in business are enough to grizzle even the most idealistic of people. Some days I can take it in stride, and some days I wonder what I am doing there. As much as I have griped about it lately on these posts, I figure I should take the link off my links (i'll do that once I publish this). I wish my company no ill will. They have been good to me and for the most part, continue to be, but working there reenforces my desire to have my own business. I want to have the opportunity to use my skills and ideas from a different perspective. Too bad I can't make the pirate thing work out.

I spent time today in Matthew's short but sweet account of the birth of Christ. It is another one of those passages that I have read through and heard read so many times that I easily think of it more as straight history than anything else. Up through Christmas, I am going to continue through the different accounts of the time before and just after Jesus' birth. I hope and pray that I see the power and love in that is screaming out through it.

Today's Playlist:
Pernice Brothers - Yours, Mine, and Ours
Map - San Francisco in the 90's
Why? - Elephant Eyelash
Jens Lekman - You Are the Light EP
Castanets - First Light's Freeze
Islands - Return to the Sea

Day 14 - Another Day, Another Post

It's going to be a short one. A long day as expected. Mostly, not bad eventwise. Not too great time with God wise.

Today's Playlist:
Vigilantes of Love - To the Roof of the Sky
Catherine Wheel - Adam and Eve
The Choir - Free Flying Soul

Day 13 - The Judge Roy Scream....No Wait the Mini Mine Train

Today was sort of an up and down day. It was a boring rollercoaster, but there were highs and some lows. I'd rate it right up there with the good ole' Judge Roy Scream at Six Flags. Not going to thrill you that much, but enough ups and downs to know what you are riding on.

Work was quiet aside from getting a new computer. There was a little bit of action both good and bad, but it was all quite tame by the current standards of things going off the wall. Once I got home, it was a pretty quick turnaround getting back out to get things ready for our party with our foundation group tonight. In getting things ready, I got to spend some quality time with Adrian in the form of a driving around town to run small errands and what turned into a fun trip to the dollar store to buy gifts for our white elephant party. I couldn't come up with anything too interesting here at the apartment, so I relegated myself to a bag of dollar store goodies. Who knew you could get "scent of Jesus" incense?

I enjoyed being at our party. Our group is full of great people who love to laugh. I respect them a lot, and I really like being around them. Even after months of being in a group together, I can still be a bit standoffish with them though. I don't know why I take so long to really open up and warm up to people, but it is just how I have been since I was much younger. I get comfortable with people so slowly. As I get older, sometimes the slowness seems to be getting even slower. I'll never be mistaken as an extrovert, but a lot of times I do with I was less reserved from the start.

The night was running long, and it was time that we really had to go. I didn't want to go, but the clock was working against us big time. I got in the car and was quite bummed that I didn't get to finish out the evening. These days, I am sometimes feel so isolated that it is just nice to be around a bunch of people. As I sat down to write this, I was still pretty sad. As with many other days, the writing has been therapeutic for me though. I get to open up in a way that is easy for me. I think I have three people that I know read this, and even then they don't get to read it until I have pressed publish. This experiment has been good for me so far.

Tomorrow will be a long day at work, followed by what I am sure will be an interesting Christmas party for work extending my day much longer than normal. As I have looked to Him more, as the week has progressed, God has given me the patience and stamina to stand up. I will revise my rollercoaster comparison to the Mini Mine Train. It's amazing how perspective changes with time, even when the time is short. Over the 45 or so minutes I have spent here writing and rewriting, the day seems much less dramatic.

I am blessed beyond measure. I've got a lot more I should probably do before I get to sleep tonight, but I think I am going to head off to bed on that thought.

Today's Playlist:
Don Chaffer - You Were at the Time For Love
Copeland - Eat, Sleep, Repeat
Spoon - Kill the Moonlight
Page France - Hello, Dear Wind

Day 12 - A Much Quieter Day

I accomplished what I sat out to do today. The day started out with me sitting there writing an e-mail to the guy from yesterday explaining why I said what I said and apologizing for the way I said it. The response wasn't what I wished it would have been, but it was just what I expected. My part is done for now on it all. I didn't let things get to me today. Admittedly, it was a much less trying day than yesterday. Even still, I felt like I did have a much better attitude about today. The difference was certainly not of me.

I haven't spent much time in the Word so far today. In fact, I spent more time reading my Bono book, watching tv, and writing this post than I did in the Word. That's pretty sad. It never ceases to amaze me how I find time for the less important things but have trouble making time for the more important.

Today's Playlist
The Album Leaf - In A Safe Place
Arcade Fire - Funeral
The Polyphonic Spree - Together We're Heavy
Rosie Thomas - These Friends of Mine
Iron and Wine/Calexico - In the Reins
Over the Rhine - Drunkard's Prayer

Day 11 - The Reality of the Day

I feel like I have whined a lot about work throughout my little experiment of posting a lot. It has been more on my mind than anything else though. Today took the cake so far in these 11 days for bad days. I didn't have to stay late, and I took a long lunch, but a couple of really bad events were enough to ruin the day. Among a few other things, I said some things that I probably shouldn't have to someone who has a whole lot more power than I do. I felt at the time that it was a good thing to do, and I still feel like it wasn't completely out of line for me to say what I did. The words came out of anger and were not as well spoken as I wish they would have been.

Shortly after all of this, I took a nice long walk by myself to calm down, think a little, grab some lunch, and clear my head. I first went to the post office where the only person smiling was a lady who by the looks of her was recovering from cancer. The line was long. There were only two postal workers helping as the line grew. The smiler was patiently waiting her turn behind me. As she made it up to the front, she smiled at the cashier and began talking to her as if she had found a new friend. She was excited with the fact that she was able to get some holiday stamps. I walked out after my usual dry exchange with the other cashier and continued down the block. This was by far my favorite site of the day until I got home.

I think I was asked for money four times on my walk, with my response on all four of them being a no. As I wove through the streets of downtown Dallas, I passed many more people. A bunch of business folk on their way to lunch. Some security guards guarding the back entrance to the federal building. A lady walking quickly by herself from city hall towards something else. A group of people headed with luggage to the Greyhound station. A group of businessmen that had just bought one of those fake papers with wild theories about the Kennedy assassination walking and taking in the sights of the Texas School Book Depository, the grassy knoll, and the rest of Dealy Plaza. A family that looked to be on a vacation with their kids had just come home from college taking in the same sights. All of them seemingly less concerned about their time than they were about they were heading and what they were doing.

All the while, I kept on walking, tiny bible in my back pocket; praying some of the time, stewing some more, and not really having any aim other than to stay out from my cubicle long enough to really qualify my time as a long lunch. I never stopped to spend some time with that tiny bible like I was planning when I left the office. After walking about as far as I thought I could, I stopped to grab some lunch. I ordered something to eat, and then sat there, eating my food. I knew I should get back towards work, but I didn't really want to. I ate my roll and wished for another job. One where I felt appreciated. One where I could still have fun. One where I felt like what I did mattered. One where I didn't feel robbed if I had to stay a little late.

I didn't draw many conclusions on my walk, though I guess I did achieve most of what I set out to accomplish. I started the walk back up Ross from the west end trying to refocus on the day. I wanted to get back with a better attitude. I used to really enjoy my job, and there are days where I still have glimpses of what I love. I used to take a lot of pride in what I did, and I felt like I was a part of making things better. I have become very cynical about it. My coworkers notice a difference, and I hate that. I think I still do a good job, but I don't have the drive to go the extra mile that I used to. I have let the circumstances as of late have drain way too much out of me. I never thought I would reach the point I am at where things cloud my view of my job so much that I don't feel blessed to have it.

I wish I could say that the afternoon was much better after that walk. I wish that the image in my head of the lady who had joy at the post office would have altered my view of things. I wish that I would have magically been back to appreciating my job. None of these things happened. I had the same lousy attitude for most of the rest of the day at work. I didn't crack much of a smile until I had been home for a while, and had my wife bobbing her head to a song I was listening to while I was back here on my computer looking at one last thing before our trip to in search of a gift.

Here is my prayer for tomorrow. I want to explain myself a little better to the guy I blew up at today. As I said before, I think some of what I had to say today was valid, but I need to better express what I was trying to say. I want to be reminded of the blessing of having a good job when I circumstances try to sabotage the day. I want to remember that I have a purpose of being at work beyond just to work.

I think this is all a decent start. I feel that I am far from being who I need and want to be when I am at work, but I want to be back to having hope that things are not beyond repair. I'll quit being full of drama about all of this, and get to bed. If you read this and think about it, please pray for my work situation.

Today's Playlist:
Mojave 3 - Out of Tune
Lassie Foundation - Face Your Fun
Cush - Brown EP
Cush - Self Titled
The New Year - The End is Near
Wreckless Eric - Whole Wide World (just a song, but it was the head bobbing song)
Don Peris - Ten Silver Slide Trombones

Day 10 - People Time

Getting to really spend some time with people makes for a good day. Today I got to hang out with Swaffy some more, go to church and hear a good sermon, eat lunch and talk with most of the folks from my community group, go catch a movie that I liked really well, then have dinner with my wife. I'll take a day like today any time I can get it.

Today's Playlist:
Sufjan Stevens - Joy, Songs for Christmas Vol. 4
Random U2 songs

Day 9 - Hanging Out

Just got back from seeing Apocalytco and need to get to bed. It has been a long day, but it has been good to hang out with Swaffy. I'll post more tomorrow.

Today's Disjointed Parts of Discs Playlist:
Joanna Newsom - Ys
Mat Kearney - Bullet
Tears for Fears - Songs from the Big Chair
Lots of parts of lots of other discs.

Day 8 - The Weekend Finally Made It

Still not feeling particuarly like writing much today. It has taken a long time to get to Friday. Today was quite a bit like yesterday only less productive at work. Swaffy is on his way to town. That should be good times. Got a little bit of Colossians today, but not much. Trying to figure out where I should go next.

Today's Playlist:
Low - Things We Lost in the Fire
Over the Rhine - Snow Angels
New York Dolls - 20th Century Masters
Jeremy Enigk - World Waits
Crooked Fingers - Bring on the Snakes
Mike Knott - Strip Cycle
Bob Dylan - Highway 61 Revisited
John Lennon and Yoko Ono - Double Fantasy (newly bought lp...decent John. Yoko sucks)

Day 7 - A Nice Change of Pace

I don't really have much to say today. It was a pretty decent day. Got to have breakfast with a couple of guys from my small group at church. That is always nice. Spent some more good time in Colossians today during my lunch break. Left work on a high note for the first time in a couple of weeks. Got to hang out with my wife a bit this evening. All in all, I would say that all makes for a good day.

Today's Playlist:
Fielding - Fielding EP
Half-Handed Cloud - What's the Remedy?
Gillain Welch - Time (The Revelator)

Day 6 - A Challenge for Me

Yeah, so Colossians is still pretty much kicking my butt into shape. I believe that the year before I was on it, the council of the ministry that I was involved with in college was charged with memorizing the entire book over the course of their year of service. I don't know how that went...or I guess if it was even done at all....but I can certainly see the benefit. In reading through the first 17 or so verses of chapter 3 today, I really felt like it is a passage that I should work a bit to commit to memory. It is one of those passages that I always remember parts of, and I could probably quote a verse here or there, but I think it would be quite good to have the whole chunk memorized.

I have never been that good at being disciplined in memorization of anything. I have quite a memory for bands, movies, and other general pop culture and useless trivia, but when it comes to more important things like Bible verses, I can't seem to remember. If I could just reallocate that storage in my head reserved for facts about obscure bands and use it for verse memorization, I'd be in business. I think a month is a reasonable goal for this particular passage. It's a big passage.

Today was yet a new layer of crap at work. I won't bore myself with the details though. All I will say is, even more requirements being added with time to do them getting shorter and shorter. I guess it’s like they say.....whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. We will be certainly be ready for strongman competition if we make it through the project.

I saw a great documentary and a great tv special within the past couple of weeks that inspired parts of my music selection for the day. If you like to watch documentaries, give The Devil and Daniel Johnston a watch. It was an interesting walk through a really interesting life. The tv special was called "Roy Orbison and Friends, A Black and White Night." It got me really interested in figuring out a bit more about Roy Orbison past the weird look and Henry Winkler's tattoo from The Waterboy.

Today's Playlist:
Pedro the Lion - Winners Never Quit
Daniel Johnston - The Late Great Daniel Johnston
Okkervil River - The President's Dead
Roy Orbison - Anthology
Someone Still Loves You Boris Yelstin - Broom

Day 5 - Another Ride Home on the 6:02 Train

It was another really long day at work. A different kind of beatdown than yesterday, but still a bit of a beatdown. I'll make it though. At the moment, still doing better at keeping a good attitude about it all.

I haven't gotten to chapter 3 of Colossian yet today. It does include one of those great one sentence "mantra" sort of verses in verse 2 though. Set your mind on things above, not on earthly things.

Today's Short Playlist:
Voxtrot - Your Biggest Fan
Hammock - Stranded Under An Endless Sky
Zao - Liberate Te Ex Inferis

Day 4 - Back to Work

I haven't necessarily looked forward to going to work lately. Today was no different. The weekend of being sick wasn't all that exciting, but a day at home even when sick is almost without fail been light years better than a day at work. I haven't had a great attitude towards my work, and work has given a lot of pressure to get things done. I usually have a hard time separating the drain of work from the rest of my day.

Today was an especially long work day. I got there at normal time, stayed through lunch, and then ended up not making it out until about two hours later than usual. I once again left with a bad taste in my mouth from the day. I spent the day working hard on my part of our current insane project, along with getting things ready for an important release that we had planned for this afternoon, but in the end, after my part had gone smoothly, someone else's part didn't. We missed another deadline. We will limp in again tomorrow and try to fix things. I go into all of this mess for two reasons. First off, I needed to do a bit of venting. The second and far more important reason is that for once, it didn't effect my evening. Until I started writing this, it was far enough from my mind that I hadn't even thought about it. I got home and rested a bit while watching the Mavs end their streak, then got to thinking about how I could serve my wife. She was out for the evening. I decided that the best thing I could do right then was to clean up the kitchen. It was a small thing, but I see it as another layer removed from the callous that I have built up lately.

Today I spent some more time in Colossians. I was in the second part of the second chapter. In my good ole' NIV Study Bible, it is titled something along the lines of "Freedom From Human Regulations Through Life With Christ." Once again, the passage hit me quite a bit differently than it did several years ago. I think that the ways I try to use to "define" my life in Christ are far different than they were several years ago. The best way I can think to describe it is that I hold things much more internally than I did a few years ago. I am around many fewer people that I know than I was in college. A lot of the accountability afforded by knowing a bunch of guys that I saw day in and day out that were going through similar things with similar interests is sort of lost for me right now. As life has changed, so have my stuggles. What hasn't changed is my need for the freedom, love, forgivness, and discipline of a live lived connected to Christ and to the body.........end of paragraph of imcomplete thoughts.

Today's Rather Normal Playlist:
Hem - Funnel Cloud
Waterdeep - Sink or Swim
The Fray - How to Save a Life (what a catchy disc)
The Violet Burning - Demonstrates Plastic and Elastic
REM - Automatic for the People

Day 3 - More from the Sick Ward

There was a time when I was in school that I would read through Colossians at least once or twice a semester. For some reason of all of the books of the Bible, it was the book that I always went to most. It packs so much in four short chapters. When reading through chapter 1 and the start of 2 again today, I realized it was the first time in probably three years that I had sat down to give it any significant time. The introduction to Colossians is full of truth as to who Christ is, and what He has done for us. It is full of joy, boldness, strength, and encouragement from a man writing from prison. My prayer as I go through the rest of this book this week is to not forget the truth of these words and the circumstance from which they were written.

Today was really more of the same as yesterday for the rest of life. Another day, more medicine, and more laying in bed watching football. Only this time I was a bit less interested in the football...though I am sort of ready to jump on the Cowboy's bandwagon.

Today's Playlist:
Sufjan Stevens - Peace, Songs for Christmas Vol. 5
Fields - 7 From the Villiage
LN - Dirt Floor Hotel, Pt. 2

Day 2 - Football and Robitussin

Today was quite the uneventful day. I have pretty much sat around all day and watched football between taking swigs of Robitussin in an effort to kick being sick. I saw some good games, but I didn't really accomplish much else.

I attempted to spend some time in Colossians this morning, but I was finding it extremely hard to focus. I was pretty doped up from the medicine for most of the day. I really wanted a better result for the day on this end, but instead all I have for today are excuses.

My only real lesson today was that I really love my wife, and that I am so blessed by her. We did get out for a bit this evening to go to a party at for our small group at church. The party consisted of football watching and chili eating. Neither of these things were of much interest to Adrian, but we went anyway. After a day of being mostly by myself in the sick ward (our bedroom) , it was so great to get to spend some time with her and see her smiling and joking. She melts me. She also plays some pretty mean foosball.

Today's Playlist:
The Curtains - Calamity
Lyle Lovett - Pontiac

Day 1 - The Introduction

It has been a cold slow day here, and I decided that now would be a good time to start something I have been thinking about doing. George Costanza had an entire Summer of George, Rick Warren has his 40 Days of Purpose, and Morgan Spurlock does things for 30 Days, but I thought I would be different. I am only going to 25 days. For the next 25 days, leading up to Christmas day, I will be documenting life. I figure that if I post things here rather than just keeping them to myself, I will be a bit more apt to stay on course. I want to see where God takes me. Life has been a bit different for me lately. I am learning so much about so many things, but the applications have been slow to set in. I guess that is what happens when you are as stubborn as I am.

These entries will include several parts. First off, they will include whatever passage I am reading for the day. I have been pretty bad at making sure that I am in the Word (in fact, this section will have to remain empty for today), and I am hoping that some degree of accountability coming through posting on here will help keep me where I should be. Secondly, I will be posting about the general goings of the day. This part will probably be especially boring to anyone reading. Thirdly, I will post what albums I have been listening to that day.

This rash of posting is mostly for me. It being public is for some accountability in doing something that I have wanted to do. There might not be much in it for anyone other than me. It will be a document of a guy who knows he struggles, but hopes to be able to say that he struggles well.

Today's Playlist:
Trespassers William - Having
Map - Think Like an Owner
Lassie Foundation - Through and Through
Patty Griffin - Flaming Red
Suffering and the Hideous Thieves - Ashamed

Generic Music Post

So I am sure some time before the end of the coming weekend, I will have a post about something serious and probably whiny as has been the recent trend. For now though, I can't get to sleep, and I was a bit inspired by some music I was listening to, so I thought I would make a generic music post. Last night, I downloaded the new Joanna Newsom cd, Ys, from emusic. Within the first five minutes of listening to it at work today, I was im'ing people with a recommendation for it. I have at least once in my short posting history professed my love for The Milk Eyed Mender, but so far after about a listen and a half to Ys, it has blown The Milk Eyed Mender out of the water, and I have found one of my favorite new discs in a long time. As far as I know, I am about 0 for 20 on people who I have recommended Joanna Newsom to actually buying a disc or even listening to her for long enough for it to sink in. I'll admit that her voice is a bit strange, but there is a quality to it that is extremely peaceful to me. This new disc benefits greatly from much more orchestration (courtesy of Van Dyke Parks) added to the harp playing that was almost a bit too sparse on the earlier disc. These five tracks will get many more listens from me in the coming weeks, and I'll probably have more to say about it.

Peaceful music has been much needed lately. Here are a few other discs that I have been listening to that I would recommend for those who aren't quite ready for Joanna Newsom:

Hem - Funnel Cloud - I haven't listened to this disc too much yet, but upon the first couple of listens, I think it might be a bit better than their previous discs which have gotten a lot of time on the ole ipod.

Anathallo - Floating World - I am coming around even more to this disc, but I still don't think I like this band as much as I should. Their style and delivery is very interesting, but there is something about them that hasn't completely clicked with me yet. Maybe if I get out of the house on Saturday and go see them, things will finally click.

Page France - Hello, Dear Wind - While I like Anathallo, this is the band that will be a bit more likely to pull me out of the house for that show on Saturday night. Hello, Dear Wind was one of those discs that after reading about it, I bought a long time ago, listened to once, and then sat aside for a long time. One day I pulled it up on my ipod again, and started listening, and I loved it. The songs are pretty simple instrumentally, but they are very well put together. They get stuck in my head, and I find myself drawn to it time and time again. There is an underlying joy to this disc that I need to be reminded of lately.

Ok, enough music posting when I should be trying to sleep. Go buy a cd or get an emusic subscription and try some of this stuff out.

Numbness

I have been listening to a bunch of Woven Hand and Sixteen Horsepower lately. It makes for a great soundtrack to somberly reflect. It is uplifting music to me but in a really weird way. If I had to sum up a theme of a lot of the songs that I have been listening to, it would be that God is who He is. He hasn't and doesn't change. Along with that, I am a sinful man in need of that unchanging God. Do you ever have one of those stretches of time where nothing seems to be too exciting and nothing seems to be too sad? You are pretty much just numb. I wouldn't call it depression, but it certainly wears on the soul. Nothing carries on for long and life becomes much more a series of events rather than something full. These events are very self-contained. What happens at one has a little effect on general feel of the next, but it takes a while.

Probably the only thing that consistently marks my days right now is work, and I can't say that for the moment the imprint is a positive one. There are some fun events mixed in with little lasting effect....A concert here and there that is fun but usually alone....A football game and a couple of basketball games coming up to spend some good time out with my wife and other friends.....Other small bits of good conversation and time well spent with people. All of these are good things, but none of them sustain. For every one of these, there is at least one event of feeling completely isolated and spent. I need God. He is there, but when it comes down to it I am horrible at going to Him for my needs. I try to mask that need however is convenient. I can't stand up, I have forgotten how to lean, and I do not kneel as I should.

Sleeping at A Static Lullaby Last

I had been waiting on Sleeping at Last's trip back to Dallas for almost two years. A little background on the band for those unaware: The band is made up of two brothers Ryan and Chad O'Neal along with Dan Perdue. They got a record deal with Interscope a couple of years back after an encounter with and later help from Billy Corgan. A lot had gone on since I had last seen them. They were dropped from their label that didn't do much to support them, they released a new album, they had a song played in Grey's Anatomy.....all in all lots of good things have seem to have been going on for them. Unfortunately one thing didn't change since the last time they came through. They were booked at a venue that didn't really work out too well. As soon as I saw they were coming to Dallas, I noticed that they would be competing with screamo courtesy of A Static Lullaby and The Classic Crime on the other side of the wall at an already lackluster venue, The Door. I hoped that they weren't in for an experience like the last time they played the Metroplex. Back in the fall of 2004, they played on a stage setup in the parking lot outside of a Plano football game. They played their hearts out that night on a stage in a parking lot after a crappy R&B act in front of about 10 people who were there to see them along with the 15 or so that stopped in and out on their way to the game.

The crowd was quite a bit better last night. There weren't a ton of people, but it was a big step up from the parking lot crowd and not bad for a Sunday night. After one really bad opening band and one pretty decent band, Sleeping at Last started setting up their gear. As they set up, there was a steady thud coming from the other side of the wall and a random scream here and there. I don't mind a little bit of screaming, but last night I just felt bad for this amazing but underappreciated band having to play through it. Chad almost looked like he was going to crack up every time he was about to start playing and the other room would start to roar, and every time Ryan reached for his acoustic guitar, he looked a little defeated. To the band's credit, even with the noise from the other room, a bad mix, and Ryan being a little under the weather, they played an amazing set covering a lot of ground from their two most recent albums, Ghosts and Keep No Score. They were really able to hit their stride around the middle of their set in the 15-20 minutes between bands with drums and screams from the other room. It was good to get to see the band perform again, and I hope it isn't another two years before they make it back to town. Hopefully someone will book them in a better venue next time. They deserve much better. Here is the set list from last night stolen from their post about the show on the message board at www.sleepingatlast.com. Also I have posted a few pictures that came out ok from last night at the My Pictures link. In addition to bad soundproofing, the lighting isn't so great at The Door.

1. A Skeleton Of Something More
2. Careful Hands
3. Heaven Breaks
4. Quicksand
5. Say
6. Keep No Score
7. Trees
8. Envelopes
9. Ghosts
10. Currents
11. Dreamlife
12. Needle & Thread

Creativity

I don't consider myself to be much of a creative type. Sometimes I will have what I think is a decent idea for something, but ultimately I end up not being able to execute that idea very well. I am not a musician. I am not a writer. I am not a photographer. I am not a painter. All this being said, I really love to see, experience and be as much a part of creative things as I possibly can. Going to a show, reading a book, or seeing any sort of visual art often inspires me. Most of the time I feel like I don't have much a outlet for that inspiration. Creativity isn't always the most desired trait in an employee in my line of work. We solve problems and do as we are told. We don't ask questions or make suggestions. That is for the "idea" people.

I have always had friends that are far more creative than me. I love being around these people because I feel like I get to be a small part of what they do. Hearing an idea and then some time later getting to hear, read, or see the final product is my way of vicariously being an "artist." I am glad that I have been blessed with having these people in my life. They help keep me sane. It always amaze me how God uses people in our lives to provide balance. Just when I think that I am about to drown in techie-ness, He will provide an opportunity to help put things back in perspective. This helps me to focus more on the things that truly matter and His purposes.

With my work day in and day out, I really need the help. I have made the comment before that I am the worst techie ever. I don't truly enjoy technology like a lot of nerds I know. I have very little interest in staying up to date on the latest greatest innovation and software tools. I like to solve problems, and I like to help people. At this point in my life, the best way for me to do that is as a computer guy. I don't see myself doing it forever, but for now, I need to be a little more content with it than I am some days. I apologize for the rambling, but hey, what would a blog be with out some rambling. If I wanted everything to always be well thought out and organized before I posted it, there would be maybe two posts on this thing.

Back to Reality

I think I could get used to the pace of life in Kauai. Things start shutting down around dark, and there isn't much going on after that. There isn't a speed limit above 50 on the whole island. I think I only heard someone honk their horn once in a week of being there. It was a different sort of place than anywhere I have ever been. The people were in about as much of a hurry as the chickens. It was a nice week of slowing down and enjoying the amazing scenery.

Aside from an unfortunate confiscation of some misplaced sunscreen of on the way home, the flights went smoothly. They were long, but we made it everywhere on schedule and in one piece. After getting there, it didn't take long to find our way around the island. We got to see so many beautiful places and things. I realized that I am much more of a beach bum than I had ever realized. I grew up with a "beach" fifteen minutes from my house, but I was never too drawn to it. When given the opportunity to spend time on a nice beach with no tar or seaweed and clear water, I loved it. I could have spent much more time snorkeling than we did. Additionally, I think it would take a long time for me to get tired of the food. I ate more types of pancakes than I knew existed and more types of fish than I had ever been brave enough to try.

It has been a crazy week trying to get back adjusted to the five hour time difference and normal amounts of sleep, but we have made it. If you ever get the chance to visit Kauai, I would highly recommend it. I posted tons of pictures at the My Pictures link in the right hand column of this page.

The Start of Vacation

Well, vacation finally started for me at about 5:30 yesterday. In about 7 hours, we will be getting on a plane and heading to Kauai. By this time tomorrow, we'll be listening to the ocean from our balcony. I decided to kick my vacation off yesterday like one might imagine I would do. I drove up to Denton to see Woven Hand at Rubber Gloves.

Yesterday while walking to lunch I came across a modern day self-appointed prophet (or well I guess who am I to assume, maybe he really was a prophet) telling about the end times and how America had made a deal with the devil. Last night, I got to see a guy who was much more reminiscent of an Old Testament prophet than the lunch guy would probably ever be. On their 4 albums, Woven Hand is a band made up of David Eugene Edwards and whoever else seems to be around. DEE had some minor fame with a band a little while back named Sixteen Horsepower, but since their demise, he has focused on Woven Hand. Last night, Woven Hand was one guy with just a few instruments on the stage singing and playing songs his songs that sound as if they are from another time. The songs are sparse but still just as haunting. They are old and weathered and sound like they have been sung for ages. DEE is as intense a performer as you would ever see. He knows how to command a room. I can't think of much of a better way to start a vacation than standing in the stunned silent crowd watching.

I'll be back in a week with stories of time well spent on little island in the middle of the ocean with my wonderful wife.

Sufjan Stevens in Dallas

About two months ago, I knew that September 13th would be a day that would require at least one very tough choice. Two of my favorite bands to see live would be playing Dallas on the same night. I had finally made my choice to see the Polyphonic Spree above Nickel Creek based mostly on the fact that the Gypsy Tea Room is way too loud to see Nickel Creek at again. I held off and kept dragging my feet to actually go buy tickets. The day before I was going to go down to buy my Spree tickets; I noticed that yet another great show would be happening that same night. When I saw that Sufjan Stevens would be in town, I knew that my decision was made.

In about 2001, I saw the Danielsonship perform at Cornerstone with this guy with a funny name on banjo. I thought he sounded interesting, but I neglected to go see that guy's solo show at the festival. I read a little more about him when I got home, but didn't really pay much more attention until later in 2003 when I started hearing rumblings about how good Sufjan Steven's Greeting from Michigan album was. I bought the disc and in the months following picked up A Sun Came and planned to see him live the first chance I got. That chance came at Buffalo Billiards in Austin as part of SXSW 2004. That night he very timidly played by himself with only a banjo and guitar on a big stage in a loud pool hall. The short set was great, but I couldn't help but wonder what the songs would have sounded like with a little more of the orchestration he uses on the discs. As he got more and more popular, he toured more and brought along a bigger band. I had followed his calendar closely, but he never made a trip back anywhere close enough to make a show. (I did have a close run-in in San Francisco, where he was performing two nights while I was there, but I didn't go. I guess it is important to spend time with your wife on your honeymoon.)

In between songs last night, he mentioned that show at Buffalo Billiards was, and how it was his first and only other time to perform in Texas. This time there were no antlers on the ceiling, there were seats to sit in, and he had fourteen people helping to recreate the songs. He hadn't changed much. He still was timid on stage, but the band made all the difference in the world. I expected a good show, but I had no idea how great of a show we were in for. From the opening notes of Sister to the end of That Dress Looks Nice on You, Sufjan and his band were nothing short of amazing. They delivered jaw-dropping and chill inducing renditions of song after song. The setlist sampled songs from Michigan, Illinois, Seven Swans, and The Avalanche, along with two songs about birds for a series of songs he said he was working on. Here is the list I swiped from another blog.

1. Sister
2. Casimir Pulaski Day
3. Detroit, Lift Up Your Weary Head
4. The Lord God Bird
5. Dear Mr. Supercomputer
6. The Transfiguration
7. Jacksonville
8. Predatory Wasp of the Palisades
9. John Wayne Gacy, Jr.
10. A Good Man is Hard to Find
11. Majesty, Snowbird
12. Seven Swans
13. Chicago
Encore
14. The Dress Looks Nice on You

There were so many highlights to the show, it would take way too much time to list them. I will say that from songs 6 to 9 on that setlist, I was convinced that I was witnessing the greatest show I had ever seen. The live interpretations of these four songs were perfect. A day later, I would probably stop short of saying it is the best show I have ever seen, but it would rank up there pretty high. It is a show that I will remember for a long time.

If you follow the My Pictures link in the right hand column, I posted a ton of pictures from the show.

The Boy Who Stopped the World

Lately I think I have victim to my tendency to view the world as a spectator rather than a participant. As I sat in front of a rather disappointing fountain thinking about all of this today, the best analogy I could come up with was the movies. I sit back and watch the movie going by in front of me without much regard to any role I might have in it. Every once in a while, I will get up and try to adjust the picture, or maybe go out to watch from a different chair with different surroundings, but that is as far as I have wanted to go. I haven't wanted to go and be a part of the world that is going on around me. When I have done something, it has been much more because of my comfort or preferences rather than anything of deeper stuff. I have let complacency win out above purpose.

If I had to describe it in movie terms, life has been like watching all of those movies that used to seem to be on some channel at any given point over a holiday weekend. You know the ones I am talking about....The Breakfast Club, The Blues Brothers, Sixteen Candles, Kindergarten Cop, Brewster's Millions, The Goonies, the list could go on for a while. All of these are movies that I will watch from time to time for some reason, be it nostalgia or even a genuine liking.....I'll leave it to you to figure out which ones I actually still like....but all in all, when I see these movies, they don't do much for me past killing time in a sometimes enjoyable way.

I'll stop the movie analogies there. I have been challenged lately to be more involved. To care. To love. To show some heart. To get inside of what is passing by me every day. To see what God has for me just a step forward. I have been mighty bullheaded to change. In all honesty, the comforts of the 42nd viewing of the Blues Brothers have sounded fine to me...ok that really is the last one.....I promise.

I woke up this morning with a longing for God to move me. As I was on the train this morning, before my normal nap, I prayed for a heart to listen and open eyes. Time after time, God uses music to speak the words to me that my mind can't seem to put together. Today the song was a very familiar one to me that has kicked my butt over and over. I'll post the lyrics and end here. I'm sure in the coming days, I'll post some more. Your prayers for courage and continually clearer vision are much appreciated.

The Boy Who Stopped the World - Aaron Sprinkle
Don't think you could stop it now
I'd like to see you try somehow
Realize that it puts it all on you
There's nothing you can do

Right now you're sick and tired
You're feeling sad, feeling uninspired
But the clock just won't slow down
Like it gets it kicks pushing you around

Maybe in the morning it won't be
Quite as bad as it seems

The fact that you can't change
The speed of sound, the rate of age
Is an understatement to
A state of mind your not used to

You'd be forever known
As the boy who stopped the world
And made it his own

Right now you're sick and tired
You're feeling sad, feeling uninspired
So I pray for you my friend
That you'll fall down
You'll give in

The Female Experiment

The past two days at work have included mostly keeping my head down, headphones on, and coding away. I decided early yesterday to try a theme out with my music listening while I was doing so much coding. I decided that the theme of the day would be female artists. At the end of yesterday, I still hadn't had my fill, so I decided to do it all over again today. I don't listen to a whole lot of female artists on a regular basis, but I did have plenty of variety to keep things interesting for the past two days. Here's the list of albums that I listened to most of:

Hem - Eveningland
Joanna Newsom - The Milk-Eyed Mender
Neko Case - The Tigers Have Spoken
Julie Miller - Broken Things
Over the Rhine - Ohio
My Brightest Diamond - My Brightest Diamond
Allison Krauss and Union Station - Live
Rosie Thomas - If Songs Could Be Held
Bettie Serveert - Lamprey
Cat Power - You Are Free
Bosque Brown - Bosque Brown Plays Mara Lee Miller

All in all, I would say that the female experiement made for some pretty good listening over the past two days. Here are my three main observations:
1.) I don't care what anyone else says, Joanna Newsom is great. She may not be for everyone, but The Milk-Eyed Mender was possibly my favorite disc of the bunch.
2.) Sometimes I need some angrier music than females tends to make, though Cat Power did work out ok.
3.) I can't believe I made it through the female experiment without listening to a single Patty Griffin album.

I think I will try another theme tomorrow. I am leaning towards all 80s at the moment. I am sure you will be waiting by your computer in eager anticipation of reading how that goes. As a final thought.....everyone should own all three seasons of Arrested Development on DVD.

A Much Needed Vacation

So we are just under six weeks away from our trip to Kauai. Everything is lined up by way of flights, a place to stay, and a car, but I haven't gotten together much of a plan for what to do once we get there. This is where you folks come in. There are two main categories of things we would like to do in Kauai.

1.) Relax.
2.) See Kauai.

To aid in category 1, suggest me some books to read. I have been reading quite a bit more, and I figure the flight along with having time to sit out on the beach and read will require at least two to three books.

To aid in category 2, those of you who have been to Kauai or know about it, what should we do, where should we eat, and what should we make sure to see? I have done a decent bit of reading, so I have some general ideas, but not too many specifics. Since it is our first time, we plan to do a luau, even though it might be cheesy. We plan to do some hiking, but don't really have anything planned yet. We will be staying on the south shore, but we would definitely like to venture out some.

Okkervil River

I almost didn't go to the Sons of Herman Hall to see Okkervil River last night. It is always a hassle to turn around and go back down to Deep Ellum after getting home from work. I had skipped going the past two times they were in town, so I decided I would suck it up and go.

The night started off a little slow for me. At least the Sons had chairs. I wasn't overly impressed by the one man band that started off the show. The next band to play was Pleasant Grove. It was my second time to see them, and I was left with pretty much the same impression as the first time. They are a good band, but nothing that special. I enjoy the music, but live they just don't pack too much of a punch.

By the time Okkervil River came out, I was ready for some energy to come from the stage, and the band obliged. The one other time I had seen them, I thought they were a good live band. Last night they upped their standing in my mind's list of great live bands. They have been touring nearly non-stop for a while, and it really shows. Will Sheff is a great front man, and the band is really tight. I once heard Okkervil River's music described as "Pirate Rock." I think the person who said that meant it as an insult, but it works as a good description for me. They make interesting music with literate lyrics, and the songs translate really well live. The song selection was great. They hit most of my favorites while throwing in some new songs and even a Fleetwood Mac cover. The high point of the night for me was Westfall. It is a murder song that would make Johnny Cash or Nick Cave proud, and they really tear into it live. This was a great show at a great venue, and I look forward to more shows at the Sons and more shows with Okkervil River.

An emusic Find Worth Sharing for All

I have given Swaffy a few other emusic recommendations through means other than the blog since my initial post a few weeks ago, but today, I came across one that I thought I would make sure that the masses....all three or four of you who read this....knew about. Some time in the past few weeks, the album Keep No Score from Sleeping at Last has been added to emusic. If you read my post about my favorite albums or have talked to me about music much, you know my fondness for this band.

Because I like this band so much, and I pick up extra copies of Ghosts from time to time when I find them cheap, I will make the following offer. First buy the disc from the band at www.sleepingatlast.com or download it from your preferred music service. After you have done that let me know, and if you don't already own it, I will mail or bring you your very own copy of Ghosts. I have about four extra copies of the disc in my stash, so I guess this offer would be limited to the first four people who took me up on the offer.