Numbness

I have been listening to a bunch of Woven Hand and Sixteen Horsepower lately. It makes for a great soundtrack to somberly reflect. It is uplifting music to me but in a really weird way. If I had to sum up a theme of a lot of the songs that I have been listening to, it would be that God is who He is. He hasn't and doesn't change. Along with that, I am a sinful man in need of that unchanging God. Do you ever have one of those stretches of time where nothing seems to be too exciting and nothing seems to be too sad? You are pretty much just numb. I wouldn't call it depression, but it certainly wears on the soul. Nothing carries on for long and life becomes much more a series of events rather than something full. These events are very self-contained. What happens at one has a little effect on general feel of the next, but it takes a while.

Probably the only thing that consistently marks my days right now is work, and I can't say that for the moment the imprint is a positive one. There are some fun events mixed in with little lasting effect....A concert here and there that is fun but usually alone....A football game and a couple of basketball games coming up to spend some good time out with my wife and other friends.....Other small bits of good conversation and time well spent with people. All of these are good things, but none of them sustain. For every one of these, there is at least one event of feeling completely isolated and spent. I need God. He is there, but when it comes down to it I am horrible at going to Him for my needs. I try to mask that need however is convenient. I can't stand up, I have forgotten how to lean, and I do not kneel as I should.