Day 12 - A Much Quieter Day

I accomplished what I sat out to do today. The day started out with me sitting there writing an e-mail to the guy from yesterday explaining why I said what I said and apologizing for the way I said it. The response wasn't what I wished it would have been, but it was just what I expected. My part is done for now on it all. I didn't let things get to me today. Admittedly, it was a much less trying day than yesterday. Even still, I felt like I did have a much better attitude about today. The difference was certainly not of me.

I haven't spent much time in the Word so far today. In fact, I spent more time reading my Bono book, watching tv, and writing this post than I did in the Word. That's pretty sad. It never ceases to amaze me how I find time for the less important things but have trouble making time for the more important.

Today's Playlist
The Album Leaf - In A Safe Place
Arcade Fire - Funeral
The Polyphonic Spree - Together We're Heavy
Rosie Thomas - These Friends of Mine
Iron and Wine/Calexico - In the Reins
Over the Rhine - Drunkard's Prayer

Day 11 - The Reality of the Day

I feel like I have whined a lot about work throughout my little experiment of posting a lot. It has been more on my mind than anything else though. Today took the cake so far in these 11 days for bad days. I didn't have to stay late, and I took a long lunch, but a couple of really bad events were enough to ruin the day. Among a few other things, I said some things that I probably shouldn't have to someone who has a whole lot more power than I do. I felt at the time that it was a good thing to do, and I still feel like it wasn't completely out of line for me to say what I did. The words came out of anger and were not as well spoken as I wish they would have been.

Shortly after all of this, I took a nice long walk by myself to calm down, think a little, grab some lunch, and clear my head. I first went to the post office where the only person smiling was a lady who by the looks of her was recovering from cancer. The line was long. There were only two postal workers helping as the line grew. The smiler was patiently waiting her turn behind me. As she made it up to the front, she smiled at the cashier and began talking to her as if she had found a new friend. She was excited with the fact that she was able to get some holiday stamps. I walked out after my usual dry exchange with the other cashier and continued down the block. This was by far my favorite site of the day until I got home.

I think I was asked for money four times on my walk, with my response on all four of them being a no. As I wove through the streets of downtown Dallas, I passed many more people. A bunch of business folk on their way to lunch. Some security guards guarding the back entrance to the federal building. A lady walking quickly by herself from city hall towards something else. A group of people headed with luggage to the Greyhound station. A group of businessmen that had just bought one of those fake papers with wild theories about the Kennedy assassination walking and taking in the sights of the Texas School Book Depository, the grassy knoll, and the rest of Dealy Plaza. A family that looked to be on a vacation with their kids had just come home from college taking in the same sights. All of them seemingly less concerned about their time than they were about they were heading and what they were doing.

All the while, I kept on walking, tiny bible in my back pocket; praying some of the time, stewing some more, and not really having any aim other than to stay out from my cubicle long enough to really qualify my time as a long lunch. I never stopped to spend some time with that tiny bible like I was planning when I left the office. After walking about as far as I thought I could, I stopped to grab some lunch. I ordered something to eat, and then sat there, eating my food. I knew I should get back towards work, but I didn't really want to. I ate my roll and wished for another job. One where I felt appreciated. One where I could still have fun. One where I felt like what I did mattered. One where I didn't feel robbed if I had to stay a little late.

I didn't draw many conclusions on my walk, though I guess I did achieve most of what I set out to accomplish. I started the walk back up Ross from the west end trying to refocus on the day. I wanted to get back with a better attitude. I used to really enjoy my job, and there are days where I still have glimpses of what I love. I used to take a lot of pride in what I did, and I felt like I was a part of making things better. I have become very cynical about it. My coworkers notice a difference, and I hate that. I think I still do a good job, but I don't have the drive to go the extra mile that I used to. I have let the circumstances as of late have drain way too much out of me. I never thought I would reach the point I am at where things cloud my view of my job so much that I don't feel blessed to have it.

I wish I could say that the afternoon was much better after that walk. I wish that the image in my head of the lady who had joy at the post office would have altered my view of things. I wish that I would have magically been back to appreciating my job. None of these things happened. I had the same lousy attitude for most of the rest of the day at work. I didn't crack much of a smile until I had been home for a while, and had my wife bobbing her head to a song I was listening to while I was back here on my computer looking at one last thing before our trip to in search of a gift.

Here is my prayer for tomorrow. I want to explain myself a little better to the guy I blew up at today. As I said before, I think some of what I had to say today was valid, but I need to better express what I was trying to say. I want to be reminded of the blessing of having a good job when I circumstances try to sabotage the day. I want to remember that I have a purpose of being at work beyond just to work.

I think this is all a decent start. I feel that I am far from being who I need and want to be when I am at work, but I want to be back to having hope that things are not beyond repair. I'll quit being full of drama about all of this, and get to bed. If you read this and think about it, please pray for my work situation.

Today's Playlist:
Mojave 3 - Out of Tune
Lassie Foundation - Face Your Fun
Cush - Brown EP
Cush - Self Titled
The New Year - The End is Near
Wreckless Eric - Whole Wide World (just a song, but it was the head bobbing song)
Don Peris - Ten Silver Slide Trombones

Day 10 - People Time

Getting to really spend some time with people makes for a good day. Today I got to hang out with Swaffy some more, go to church and hear a good sermon, eat lunch and talk with most of the folks from my community group, go catch a movie that I liked really well, then have dinner with my wife. I'll take a day like today any time I can get it.

Today's Playlist:
Sufjan Stevens - Joy, Songs for Christmas Vol. 4
Random U2 songs

Day 9 - Hanging Out

Just got back from seeing Apocalytco and need to get to bed. It has been a long day, but it has been good to hang out with Swaffy. I'll post more tomorrow.

Today's Disjointed Parts of Discs Playlist:
Joanna Newsom - Ys
Mat Kearney - Bullet
Tears for Fears - Songs from the Big Chair
Lots of parts of lots of other discs.

Day 8 - The Weekend Finally Made It

Still not feeling particuarly like writing much today. It has taken a long time to get to Friday. Today was quite a bit like yesterday only less productive at work. Swaffy is on his way to town. That should be good times. Got a little bit of Colossians today, but not much. Trying to figure out where I should go next.

Today's Playlist:
Low - Things We Lost in the Fire
Over the Rhine - Snow Angels
New York Dolls - 20th Century Masters
Jeremy Enigk - World Waits
Crooked Fingers - Bring on the Snakes
Mike Knott - Strip Cycle
Bob Dylan - Highway 61 Revisited
John Lennon and Yoko Ono - Double Fantasy (newly bought lp...decent John. Yoko sucks)

Day 7 - A Nice Change of Pace

I don't really have much to say today. It was a pretty decent day. Got to have breakfast with a couple of guys from my small group at church. That is always nice. Spent some more good time in Colossians today during my lunch break. Left work on a high note for the first time in a couple of weeks. Got to hang out with my wife a bit this evening. All in all, I would say that all makes for a good day.

Today's Playlist:
Fielding - Fielding EP
Half-Handed Cloud - What's the Remedy?
Gillain Welch - Time (The Revelator)

Day 6 - A Challenge for Me

Yeah, so Colossians is still pretty much kicking my butt into shape. I believe that the year before I was on it, the council of the ministry that I was involved with in college was charged with memorizing the entire book over the course of their year of service. I don't know how that went...or I guess if it was even done at all....but I can certainly see the benefit. In reading through the first 17 or so verses of chapter 3 today, I really felt like it is a passage that I should work a bit to commit to memory. It is one of those passages that I always remember parts of, and I could probably quote a verse here or there, but I think it would be quite good to have the whole chunk memorized.

I have never been that good at being disciplined in memorization of anything. I have quite a memory for bands, movies, and other general pop culture and useless trivia, but when it comes to more important things like Bible verses, I can't seem to remember. If I could just reallocate that storage in my head reserved for facts about obscure bands and use it for verse memorization, I'd be in business. I think a month is a reasonable goal for this particular passage. It's a big passage.

Today was yet a new layer of crap at work. I won't bore myself with the details though. All I will say is, even more requirements being added with time to do them getting shorter and shorter. I guess it’s like they say.....whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. We will be certainly be ready for strongman competition if we make it through the project.

I saw a great documentary and a great tv special within the past couple of weeks that inspired parts of my music selection for the day. If you like to watch documentaries, give The Devil and Daniel Johnston a watch. It was an interesting walk through a really interesting life. The tv special was called "Roy Orbison and Friends, A Black and White Night." It got me really interested in figuring out a bit more about Roy Orbison past the weird look and Henry Winkler's tattoo from The Waterboy.

Today's Playlist:
Pedro the Lion - Winners Never Quit
Daniel Johnston - The Late Great Daniel Johnston
Okkervil River - The President's Dead
Roy Orbison - Anthology
Someone Still Loves You Boris Yelstin - Broom

Day 5 - Another Ride Home on the 6:02 Train

It was another really long day at work. A different kind of beatdown than yesterday, but still a bit of a beatdown. I'll make it though. At the moment, still doing better at keeping a good attitude about it all.

I haven't gotten to chapter 3 of Colossian yet today. It does include one of those great one sentence "mantra" sort of verses in verse 2 though. Set your mind on things above, not on earthly things.

Today's Short Playlist:
Voxtrot - Your Biggest Fan
Hammock - Stranded Under An Endless Sky
Zao - Liberate Te Ex Inferis

Day 4 - Back to Work

I haven't necessarily looked forward to going to work lately. Today was no different. The weekend of being sick wasn't all that exciting, but a day at home even when sick is almost without fail been light years better than a day at work. I haven't had a great attitude towards my work, and work has given a lot of pressure to get things done. I usually have a hard time separating the drain of work from the rest of my day.

Today was an especially long work day. I got there at normal time, stayed through lunch, and then ended up not making it out until about two hours later than usual. I once again left with a bad taste in my mouth from the day. I spent the day working hard on my part of our current insane project, along with getting things ready for an important release that we had planned for this afternoon, but in the end, after my part had gone smoothly, someone else's part didn't. We missed another deadline. We will limp in again tomorrow and try to fix things. I go into all of this mess for two reasons. First off, I needed to do a bit of venting. The second and far more important reason is that for once, it didn't effect my evening. Until I started writing this, it was far enough from my mind that I hadn't even thought about it. I got home and rested a bit while watching the Mavs end their streak, then got to thinking about how I could serve my wife. She was out for the evening. I decided that the best thing I could do right then was to clean up the kitchen. It was a small thing, but I see it as another layer removed from the callous that I have built up lately.

Today I spent some more time in Colossians. I was in the second part of the second chapter. In my good ole' NIV Study Bible, it is titled something along the lines of "Freedom From Human Regulations Through Life With Christ." Once again, the passage hit me quite a bit differently than it did several years ago. I think that the ways I try to use to "define" my life in Christ are far different than they were several years ago. The best way I can think to describe it is that I hold things much more internally than I did a few years ago. I am around many fewer people that I know than I was in college. A lot of the accountability afforded by knowing a bunch of guys that I saw day in and day out that were going through similar things with similar interests is sort of lost for me right now. As life has changed, so have my stuggles. What hasn't changed is my need for the freedom, love, forgivness, and discipline of a live lived connected to Christ and to the body.........end of paragraph of imcomplete thoughts.

Today's Rather Normal Playlist:
Hem - Funnel Cloud
Waterdeep - Sink or Swim
The Fray - How to Save a Life (what a catchy disc)
The Violet Burning - Demonstrates Plastic and Elastic
REM - Automatic for the People

Day 3 - More from the Sick Ward

There was a time when I was in school that I would read through Colossians at least once or twice a semester. For some reason of all of the books of the Bible, it was the book that I always went to most. It packs so much in four short chapters. When reading through chapter 1 and the start of 2 again today, I realized it was the first time in probably three years that I had sat down to give it any significant time. The introduction to Colossians is full of truth as to who Christ is, and what He has done for us. It is full of joy, boldness, strength, and encouragement from a man writing from prison. My prayer as I go through the rest of this book this week is to not forget the truth of these words and the circumstance from which they were written.

Today was really more of the same as yesterday for the rest of life. Another day, more medicine, and more laying in bed watching football. Only this time I was a bit less interested in the football...though I am sort of ready to jump on the Cowboy's bandwagon.

Today's Playlist:
Sufjan Stevens - Peace, Songs for Christmas Vol. 5
Fields - 7 From the Villiage
LN - Dirt Floor Hotel, Pt. 2

Day 2 - Football and Robitussin

Today was quite the uneventful day. I have pretty much sat around all day and watched football between taking swigs of Robitussin in an effort to kick being sick. I saw some good games, but I didn't really accomplish much else.

I attempted to spend some time in Colossians this morning, but I was finding it extremely hard to focus. I was pretty doped up from the medicine for most of the day. I really wanted a better result for the day on this end, but instead all I have for today are excuses.

My only real lesson today was that I really love my wife, and that I am so blessed by her. We did get out for a bit this evening to go to a party at for our small group at church. The party consisted of football watching and chili eating. Neither of these things were of much interest to Adrian, but we went anyway. After a day of being mostly by myself in the sick ward (our bedroom) , it was so great to get to spend some time with her and see her smiling and joking. She melts me. She also plays some pretty mean foosball.

Today's Playlist:
The Curtains - Calamity
Lyle Lovett - Pontiac

Day 1 - The Introduction

It has been a cold slow day here, and I decided that now would be a good time to start something I have been thinking about doing. George Costanza had an entire Summer of George, Rick Warren has his 40 Days of Purpose, and Morgan Spurlock does things for 30 Days, but I thought I would be different. I am only going to 25 days. For the next 25 days, leading up to Christmas day, I will be documenting life. I figure that if I post things here rather than just keeping them to myself, I will be a bit more apt to stay on course. I want to see where God takes me. Life has been a bit different for me lately. I am learning so much about so many things, but the applications have been slow to set in. I guess that is what happens when you are as stubborn as I am.

These entries will include several parts. First off, they will include whatever passage I am reading for the day. I have been pretty bad at making sure that I am in the Word (in fact, this section will have to remain empty for today), and I am hoping that some degree of accountability coming through posting on here will help keep me where I should be. Secondly, I will be posting about the general goings of the day. This part will probably be especially boring to anyone reading. Thirdly, I will post what albums I have been listening to that day.

This rash of posting is mostly for me. It being public is for some accountability in doing something that I have wanted to do. There might not be much in it for anyone other than me. It will be a document of a guy who knows he struggles, but hopes to be able to say that he struggles well.

Today's Playlist:
Trespassers William - Having
Map - Think Like an Owner
Lassie Foundation - Through and Through
Patty Griffin - Flaming Red
Suffering and the Hideous Thieves - Ashamed

Generic Music Post

So I am sure some time before the end of the coming weekend, I will have a post about something serious and probably whiny as has been the recent trend. For now though, I can't get to sleep, and I was a bit inspired by some music I was listening to, so I thought I would make a generic music post. Last night, I downloaded the new Joanna Newsom cd, Ys, from emusic. Within the first five minutes of listening to it at work today, I was im'ing people with a recommendation for it. I have at least once in my short posting history professed my love for The Milk Eyed Mender, but so far after about a listen and a half to Ys, it has blown The Milk Eyed Mender out of the water, and I have found one of my favorite new discs in a long time. As far as I know, I am about 0 for 20 on people who I have recommended Joanna Newsom to actually buying a disc or even listening to her for long enough for it to sink in. I'll admit that her voice is a bit strange, but there is a quality to it that is extremely peaceful to me. This new disc benefits greatly from much more orchestration (courtesy of Van Dyke Parks) added to the harp playing that was almost a bit too sparse on the earlier disc. These five tracks will get many more listens from me in the coming weeks, and I'll probably have more to say about it.

Peaceful music has been much needed lately. Here are a few other discs that I have been listening to that I would recommend for those who aren't quite ready for Joanna Newsom:

Hem - Funnel Cloud - I haven't listened to this disc too much yet, but upon the first couple of listens, I think it might be a bit better than their previous discs which have gotten a lot of time on the ole ipod.

Anathallo - Floating World - I am coming around even more to this disc, but I still don't think I like this band as much as I should. Their style and delivery is very interesting, but there is something about them that hasn't completely clicked with me yet. Maybe if I get out of the house on Saturday and go see them, things will finally click.

Page France - Hello, Dear Wind - While I like Anathallo, this is the band that will be a bit more likely to pull me out of the house for that show on Saturday night. Hello, Dear Wind was one of those discs that after reading about it, I bought a long time ago, listened to once, and then sat aside for a long time. One day I pulled it up on my ipod again, and started listening, and I loved it. The songs are pretty simple instrumentally, but they are very well put together. They get stuck in my head, and I find myself drawn to it time and time again. There is an underlying joy to this disc that I need to be reminded of lately.

Ok, enough music posting when I should be trying to sleep. Go buy a cd or get an emusic subscription and try some of this stuff out.

Numbness

I have been listening to a bunch of Woven Hand and Sixteen Horsepower lately. It makes for a great soundtrack to somberly reflect. It is uplifting music to me but in a really weird way. If I had to sum up a theme of a lot of the songs that I have been listening to, it would be that God is who He is. He hasn't and doesn't change. Along with that, I am a sinful man in need of that unchanging God. Do you ever have one of those stretches of time where nothing seems to be too exciting and nothing seems to be too sad? You are pretty much just numb. I wouldn't call it depression, but it certainly wears on the soul. Nothing carries on for long and life becomes much more a series of events rather than something full. These events are very self-contained. What happens at one has a little effect on general feel of the next, but it takes a while.

Probably the only thing that consistently marks my days right now is work, and I can't say that for the moment the imprint is a positive one. There are some fun events mixed in with little lasting effect....A concert here and there that is fun but usually alone....A football game and a couple of basketball games coming up to spend some good time out with my wife and other friends.....Other small bits of good conversation and time well spent with people. All of these are good things, but none of them sustain. For every one of these, there is at least one event of feeling completely isolated and spent. I need God. He is there, but when it comes down to it I am horrible at going to Him for my needs. I try to mask that need however is convenient. I can't stand up, I have forgotten how to lean, and I do not kneel as I should.

Sleeping at A Static Lullaby Last

I had been waiting on Sleeping at Last's trip back to Dallas for almost two years. A little background on the band for those unaware: The band is made up of two brothers Ryan and Chad O'Neal along with Dan Perdue. They got a record deal with Interscope a couple of years back after an encounter with and later help from Billy Corgan. A lot had gone on since I had last seen them. They were dropped from their label that didn't do much to support them, they released a new album, they had a song played in Grey's Anatomy.....all in all lots of good things have seem to have been going on for them. Unfortunately one thing didn't change since the last time they came through. They were booked at a venue that didn't really work out too well. As soon as I saw they were coming to Dallas, I noticed that they would be competing with screamo courtesy of A Static Lullaby and The Classic Crime on the other side of the wall at an already lackluster venue, The Door. I hoped that they weren't in for an experience like the last time they played the Metroplex. Back in the fall of 2004, they played on a stage setup in the parking lot outside of a Plano football game. They played their hearts out that night on a stage in a parking lot after a crappy R&B act in front of about 10 people who were there to see them along with the 15 or so that stopped in and out on their way to the game.

The crowd was quite a bit better last night. There weren't a ton of people, but it was a big step up from the parking lot crowd and not bad for a Sunday night. After one really bad opening band and one pretty decent band, Sleeping at Last started setting up their gear. As they set up, there was a steady thud coming from the other side of the wall and a random scream here and there. I don't mind a little bit of screaming, but last night I just felt bad for this amazing but underappreciated band having to play through it. Chad almost looked like he was going to crack up every time he was about to start playing and the other room would start to roar, and every time Ryan reached for his acoustic guitar, he looked a little defeated. To the band's credit, even with the noise from the other room, a bad mix, and Ryan being a little under the weather, they played an amazing set covering a lot of ground from their two most recent albums, Ghosts and Keep No Score. They were really able to hit their stride around the middle of their set in the 15-20 minutes between bands with drums and screams from the other room. It was good to get to see the band perform again, and I hope it isn't another two years before they make it back to town. Hopefully someone will book them in a better venue next time. They deserve much better. Here is the set list from last night stolen from their post about the show on the message board at www.sleepingatlast.com. Also I have posted a few pictures that came out ok from last night at the My Pictures link. In addition to bad soundproofing, the lighting isn't so great at The Door.

1. A Skeleton Of Something More
2. Careful Hands
3. Heaven Breaks
4. Quicksand
5. Say
6. Keep No Score
7. Trees
8. Envelopes
9. Ghosts
10. Currents
11. Dreamlife
12. Needle & Thread

Creativity

I don't consider myself to be much of a creative type. Sometimes I will have what I think is a decent idea for something, but ultimately I end up not being able to execute that idea very well. I am not a musician. I am not a writer. I am not a photographer. I am not a painter. All this being said, I really love to see, experience and be as much a part of creative things as I possibly can. Going to a show, reading a book, or seeing any sort of visual art often inspires me. Most of the time I feel like I don't have much a outlet for that inspiration. Creativity isn't always the most desired trait in an employee in my line of work. We solve problems and do as we are told. We don't ask questions or make suggestions. That is for the "idea" people.

I have always had friends that are far more creative than me. I love being around these people because I feel like I get to be a small part of what they do. Hearing an idea and then some time later getting to hear, read, or see the final product is my way of vicariously being an "artist." I am glad that I have been blessed with having these people in my life. They help keep me sane. It always amaze me how God uses people in our lives to provide balance. Just when I think that I am about to drown in techie-ness, He will provide an opportunity to help put things back in perspective. This helps me to focus more on the things that truly matter and His purposes.

With my work day in and day out, I really need the help. I have made the comment before that I am the worst techie ever. I don't truly enjoy technology like a lot of nerds I know. I have very little interest in staying up to date on the latest greatest innovation and software tools. I like to solve problems, and I like to help people. At this point in my life, the best way for me to do that is as a computer guy. I don't see myself doing it forever, but for now, I need to be a little more content with it than I am some days. I apologize for the rambling, but hey, what would a blog be with out some rambling. If I wanted everything to always be well thought out and organized before I posted it, there would be maybe two posts on this thing.

Back to Reality

I think I could get used to the pace of life in Kauai. Things start shutting down around dark, and there isn't much going on after that. There isn't a speed limit above 50 on the whole island. I think I only heard someone honk their horn once in a week of being there. It was a different sort of place than anywhere I have ever been. The people were in about as much of a hurry as the chickens. It was a nice week of slowing down and enjoying the amazing scenery.

Aside from an unfortunate confiscation of some misplaced sunscreen of on the way home, the flights went smoothly. They were long, but we made it everywhere on schedule and in one piece. After getting there, it didn't take long to find our way around the island. We got to see so many beautiful places and things. I realized that I am much more of a beach bum than I had ever realized. I grew up with a "beach" fifteen minutes from my house, but I was never too drawn to it. When given the opportunity to spend time on a nice beach with no tar or seaweed and clear water, I loved it. I could have spent much more time snorkeling than we did. Additionally, I think it would take a long time for me to get tired of the food. I ate more types of pancakes than I knew existed and more types of fish than I had ever been brave enough to try.

It has been a crazy week trying to get back adjusted to the five hour time difference and normal amounts of sleep, but we have made it. If you ever get the chance to visit Kauai, I would highly recommend it. I posted tons of pictures at the My Pictures link in the right hand column of this page.

The Start of Vacation

Well, vacation finally started for me at about 5:30 yesterday. In about 7 hours, we will be getting on a plane and heading to Kauai. By this time tomorrow, we'll be listening to the ocean from our balcony. I decided to kick my vacation off yesterday like one might imagine I would do. I drove up to Denton to see Woven Hand at Rubber Gloves.

Yesterday while walking to lunch I came across a modern day self-appointed prophet (or well I guess who am I to assume, maybe he really was a prophet) telling about the end times and how America had made a deal with the devil. Last night, I got to see a guy who was much more reminiscent of an Old Testament prophet than the lunch guy would probably ever be. On their 4 albums, Woven Hand is a band made up of David Eugene Edwards and whoever else seems to be around. DEE had some minor fame with a band a little while back named Sixteen Horsepower, but since their demise, he has focused on Woven Hand. Last night, Woven Hand was one guy with just a few instruments on the stage singing and playing songs his songs that sound as if they are from another time. The songs are sparse but still just as haunting. They are old and weathered and sound like they have been sung for ages. DEE is as intense a performer as you would ever see. He knows how to command a room. I can't think of much of a better way to start a vacation than standing in the stunned silent crowd watching.

I'll be back in a week with stories of time well spent on little island in the middle of the ocean with my wonderful wife.

Sufjan Stevens in Dallas

About two months ago, I knew that September 13th would be a day that would require at least one very tough choice. Two of my favorite bands to see live would be playing Dallas on the same night. I had finally made my choice to see the Polyphonic Spree above Nickel Creek based mostly on the fact that the Gypsy Tea Room is way too loud to see Nickel Creek at again. I held off and kept dragging my feet to actually go buy tickets. The day before I was going to go down to buy my Spree tickets; I noticed that yet another great show would be happening that same night. When I saw that Sufjan Stevens would be in town, I knew that my decision was made.

In about 2001, I saw the Danielsonship perform at Cornerstone with this guy with a funny name on banjo. I thought he sounded interesting, but I neglected to go see that guy's solo show at the festival. I read a little more about him when I got home, but didn't really pay much more attention until later in 2003 when I started hearing rumblings about how good Sufjan Steven's Greeting from Michigan album was. I bought the disc and in the months following picked up A Sun Came and planned to see him live the first chance I got. That chance came at Buffalo Billiards in Austin as part of SXSW 2004. That night he very timidly played by himself with only a banjo and guitar on a big stage in a loud pool hall. The short set was great, but I couldn't help but wonder what the songs would have sounded like with a little more of the orchestration he uses on the discs. As he got more and more popular, he toured more and brought along a bigger band. I had followed his calendar closely, but he never made a trip back anywhere close enough to make a show. (I did have a close run-in in San Francisco, where he was performing two nights while I was there, but I didn't go. I guess it is important to spend time with your wife on your honeymoon.)

In between songs last night, he mentioned that show at Buffalo Billiards was, and how it was his first and only other time to perform in Texas. This time there were no antlers on the ceiling, there were seats to sit in, and he had fourteen people helping to recreate the songs. He hadn't changed much. He still was timid on stage, but the band made all the difference in the world. I expected a good show, but I had no idea how great of a show we were in for. From the opening notes of Sister to the end of That Dress Looks Nice on You, Sufjan and his band were nothing short of amazing. They delivered jaw-dropping and chill inducing renditions of song after song. The setlist sampled songs from Michigan, Illinois, Seven Swans, and The Avalanche, along with two songs about birds for a series of songs he said he was working on. Here is the list I swiped from another blog.

1. Sister
2. Casimir Pulaski Day
3. Detroit, Lift Up Your Weary Head
4. The Lord God Bird
5. Dear Mr. Supercomputer
6. The Transfiguration
7. Jacksonville
8. Predatory Wasp of the Palisades
9. John Wayne Gacy, Jr.
10. A Good Man is Hard to Find
11. Majesty, Snowbird
12. Seven Swans
13. Chicago
Encore
14. The Dress Looks Nice on You

There were so many highlights to the show, it would take way too much time to list them. I will say that from songs 6 to 9 on that setlist, I was convinced that I was witnessing the greatest show I had ever seen. The live interpretations of these four songs were perfect. A day later, I would probably stop short of saying it is the best show I have ever seen, but it would rank up there pretty high. It is a show that I will remember for a long time.

If you follow the My Pictures link in the right hand column, I posted a ton of pictures from the show.

The Boy Who Stopped the World

Lately I think I have victim to my tendency to view the world as a spectator rather than a participant. As I sat in front of a rather disappointing fountain thinking about all of this today, the best analogy I could come up with was the movies. I sit back and watch the movie going by in front of me without much regard to any role I might have in it. Every once in a while, I will get up and try to adjust the picture, or maybe go out to watch from a different chair with different surroundings, but that is as far as I have wanted to go. I haven't wanted to go and be a part of the world that is going on around me. When I have done something, it has been much more because of my comfort or preferences rather than anything of deeper stuff. I have let complacency win out above purpose.

If I had to describe it in movie terms, life has been like watching all of those movies that used to seem to be on some channel at any given point over a holiday weekend. You know the ones I am talking about....The Breakfast Club, The Blues Brothers, Sixteen Candles, Kindergarten Cop, Brewster's Millions, The Goonies, the list could go on for a while. All of these are movies that I will watch from time to time for some reason, be it nostalgia or even a genuine liking.....I'll leave it to you to figure out which ones I actually still like....but all in all, when I see these movies, they don't do much for me past killing time in a sometimes enjoyable way.

I'll stop the movie analogies there. I have been challenged lately to be more involved. To care. To love. To show some heart. To get inside of what is passing by me every day. To see what God has for me just a step forward. I have been mighty bullheaded to change. In all honesty, the comforts of the 42nd viewing of the Blues Brothers have sounded fine to me...ok that really is the last one.....I promise.

I woke up this morning with a longing for God to move me. As I was on the train this morning, before my normal nap, I prayed for a heart to listen and open eyes. Time after time, God uses music to speak the words to me that my mind can't seem to put together. Today the song was a very familiar one to me that has kicked my butt over and over. I'll post the lyrics and end here. I'm sure in the coming days, I'll post some more. Your prayers for courage and continually clearer vision are much appreciated.

The Boy Who Stopped the World - Aaron Sprinkle
Don't think you could stop it now
I'd like to see you try somehow
Realize that it puts it all on you
There's nothing you can do

Right now you're sick and tired
You're feeling sad, feeling uninspired
But the clock just won't slow down
Like it gets it kicks pushing you around

Maybe in the morning it won't be
Quite as bad as it seems

The fact that you can't change
The speed of sound, the rate of age
Is an understatement to
A state of mind your not used to

You'd be forever known
As the boy who stopped the world
And made it his own

Right now you're sick and tired
You're feeling sad, feeling uninspired
So I pray for you my friend
That you'll fall down
You'll give in