Down To His Last Guitar

Bill Mallonee is one of my all time favorite song writers. He's the epitome of everything everyone says about a lot of the greats. Great stories, amazing with words, heart on the sleeve. I've seen him perform probably ten times over the years, and he has always had something new to wow me with. It has been quite a while since I have seen him. He hasn't made it anywhere close to me in a couple of years, and I hadn't given him much attention in my listening for a while. About a month and a half ago, I started a rediscovery of sorts with his music. I was again wowed by how good the songs were. I was floored by Judas Skin just like the first time I had ever heard it. He is able to convey hope, love, and pain in song better than anyone else I have ever heard. I decided to try to catch up a bit with what he was up to.

I was a bit disappointed to find that things hadn't been going so well for him. So many of the amazing songs of love were about his wife Brenda. He wrote songs that I'm sure made her blush. His songs were honest and fearless. There was always "Another song for Brenda, Another tune for Josh and Joe, Another postcard from the highway." Here was a guy who was out on the road a lot, but you could tell he loved his family. Sometime over the past couple of years, Bill and Brenda split up, and not too long after, Bill married another woman. Knowing that makes it a bit hard to go back and listen to some of the songs. It makes you a bit sad for everyone involved. I don't know the story, nor do I feel like I should, but it certainly changes the way you listen.

He isn't playing as many shows as he used to. From some post of his I read on his mailing list, It doesn't sound like it is necessarily by choice. About three years ago, I saw him play his heart out in front of twenty people in a storefront in Huntsville, and then two months later, play it out again in front of several thousand in a field in Illinois. He didn't seem to care how big the audience was, he just seemed to love being out on the road sharing what he was good at. Now he is struggling with no booking agent and having to sell equipment to pay the rent. He was trying to sell a beautiful Rickenbacker that I saw him use a couple of times. Once it was sold, this amazing songwriter would be left with one playable guitar as his last instrument.

The tools of my livelihood are not as concrete as a guitar, but I like the analogy. Wherever I go, they'll always give me a computer to bang away on. I don't have to prepare what I do to go to work and make a living. I go, sit down, code away, then come home and don't have to worry about it. I complain about it sometimes, and wish that life was more exciting, but this is what God has for me right now. My hope for this week is that I can go into it with a less distracted mind. There is always something going on to keep me unfocused on whatever it is I would like to be focused on at the time, be it work, relationships, or just life in general, but at least I am not down to my last guitar.

If you are interested in Bill Mallonee, click on the link to the side of my blog. If you have heard him before, give him another chance. He has the album Summershine available for a free download at www.volsounds.com. It isn't necessarily representative of everything else he has ever done, but I still love it. If you like what you hear, buy something from him.

On the Downhill Slide

At least Wednesday made it a bit more quickly this week. I can't believe how long these past few weeks have seemed. Things have settled out a bit at work by way of drama, which is a good thing. The days are very slow though. It is strange to go from working on so many things at once to one specific thing all day. I am learning a lot of new stuff, and as I am getting to know people a bit better. I am liking the job, but I'll be ready for the days to start feeling shorter.

Things are still far from in order. Life is moving at a completely different pace than I am. Today seemed like maybe a step towards getting in sync, but who knows. I can't believe I have been so exhausted by moving at such a slow pace.

Still listening to tons of music during the day, so I'll list it out for my interest.

Even More Mostly Mopey Music:
Low - Drums and Guns
The Violet Burning - Lipstick and Dynamite Wonder
Beruit - Lon Gisland EP
My Bloody Valentine - Loveless
The Velvet Undergroud - The Velvet Underground and Nico
All Things Bright and Beautiful - Love and Affection
Antony and The Johnsons - I Am a Bird Now
The Cure - Pornography
Havalina Rail Co. - Russian Lullabies
Why? - Elephat Eyelash
Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds - The Boatman's Call
Suffering and the Hideous Thieves - Rats in Heaven
Cursive - Domestica
The Mountain Goats - Tallahassee
Andrew Bird - Armchair Apocrypha
Don Peris - Go When the Morning Shineth

Lipstick and Dynamite Wonder

Listening to it again as I wandered around town this evening reminded me of why I love the album Lipstick and Dynamite Wonder by the Violet Burning so much. I think I would have to stay out of a bad mood for a very long time for it to fall from a list of my all time favorites. I know I have written about it before here when I was listing my favorite albums, but I can guarantee that it hit me completely differently today than it did when I wrote that. I didn't want to be comforted tonight, but like always the album again had me close to tears.

The album is very dark, but with enough hope that it doesn't go over the edge. I love swirling guitars, and this album is full of them. There are so many layers of sound to each song, and such desperation in Michael Pritzl's voice. I don't know the whole back story, but it would be safe to say that things weren't going too well for him at the time he was writing these songs.

I came here
looking for love
reaching for your love in the dark
but you were fading
and I'm blind
stone blind
and I can't reach you
- from Blind

Have I gone too far?
lately, it's more than just a little bit hard
cause I'm caught underwater breathing
breathing is hard
- from Underwater

Things are rough right now, but there's some hope.

Today's playlist:
The Violet Burning - Lipstick and Dynamite Wonder
Smile Smile - Blue Roses
Tom Waits - Rain Dogs
Sound Team - Movie Monster
Devotchka - How It Ends
A Northern Chorus - Bitter Hands Resign
Jens Lekman - You are the Light EP

The Week That Wouldn't End

To say it has been a hard week would be quite an understatement. It has been a long time since I have had a week reach close to how bad this one has been. I won't go into details of everything that has happened, but I'll hit a couple of the high (well really low) points.

On Tuesday afternoon, I got word that my cousin had been killed in a car wreck that morning. She was driving down a pretty bare road in foggy weather, and broadsided an 18 wheeler. There were 7 other people in the minivan with her, a mother and her 6 kids who my cousin babysat. Everyone else made it out alive thankfully. I can't imagine the grief that my aunt and uncle are going through. My cousin was only 22 and was my aunt and uncle's only child. She had just finished up her training to be a massage therapist and was saving up money to get her license. Everyone was very proud of her, and she will be very missed. We will be heading up to my aunt and uncle's hometown tomorrow for the funeral. Please pray for my family, especially my aunt and uncle.

Additionally, in what amounts to a much smaller, yet still stressful problem, Thursday morning at work, my big boss was fired. Similar circumstances were what started the ball rolling on what led up to me leaving my last job. I couldn't believe that after only three weeks, things looked like they were starting down the same path. Thankfully things cooled off a bit after another meeting this morning. Hopefully they will continue going in a good direction, and things will be better off, but it is hard being new and not knowing.

There has been plenty else going on adding to the stress. Yesterday when I got home from work all I could do was lay around for a while. On even less important notes, I was pretty bummed to miss a show I had been looking forward to for a long time (and had tickets to) with Page France, Margot and the Nuclear So and So's, and Denison Witmer. Hopefully they will all make it through again soon.

Tomorrow will be a tough day, but I am glad the weekend finally made it. I hope that even in the midst of a lot of sadness and stress, I will have some peace and rest.

Recent Long Playlist:
Malcolm Middleton - A Brighter Beat
Tacks, The Boy Disaster - Oh, Beatrice
The Twilight Sad - The Twilight Sad
The Violet Burning - Demonstrates Plastic and Elastic
Joanna Newsom - Ys
Page France - Tomato Morning Tour EP
The Violet Burning - Lipstick and Dynamite Wonder
Nourallah Brothers - Nourallah Brothers
LN - Dirt Floor Hotel Pt. 2
Califone - Roots and Crowns
Denison Witmer - Philadephia Songs
The Arcade Fire - Neon Bible
The Innocence Mission - Birds of My Neighborhood
Robert Deeble - 13 Stories
Over the Rhine - Drunkard's Prayer
Pedro the Lion - Control
The Choir - Kissers and Killers

A Slow Start

Things have started off pretty well at the new job. The days are quite slow at the moment though. I don't really know too many people, and I have zero responsibility so far. The long days sitting there slowly converting code lends itself well to a lot of music listening though. I have made it to a bunch of stuff I hadn't given much of a chance yet along with a bunch of old favorites. Here are the discs I have been listening to.

Arcade Fire - Neon Bible
White Whale - WWI
Mates of State - Team Boo
Robert Earl Keen - Picnic
Cocteau Twins - Victorialand
Patty Griffin - Children Running Through
Josh Ritter - Hello Starling
Film School - Film School
Ben Kweller - Sha Sha
Grizzly Bear - Horn of Plenty
Prince - Purple Rain
The Whitest Boy Alive - Dreams
The Besnard Lakes - The Besnard Lakes are the Dark Horse
Richard Swift - Dressed Up for the Letdown
Woven Hand - Consider the Birds
Silversun Pickups - Carnavas
Regina Spektor - Begin to Hope
Margot and the Nuclear So and So's - The Dust of Retreat
Frank Lenz - VileLenz and Thieves
Fishboy - Zipbangboom
Fields - 7 From the Village
Hem - Funnel Cloud
The Smiths - Meat is Murder
Cold War Kids - Robbers and Cowards
Gileah - The Golden Planes
The New Year - Newness Ends
Voxtrot - Biggest Fan

Wow, that was more than I had thought I had listened to. I really have been sitting there for a long time. I guess I should enjoy these days while they last, and get around to a few more discs that have been sitting there hidden on my ipod.

Skee Ball and New Ties

After a skee ball death match to determine who would take over my duties as floor fire marshall, my time as part of the team my old job officially ended. Today was my first day of unemployment, but it was nice to get a chance to meet up with everyone after they got done for the day. As much difficulty as I had with work over the past few months, the folks I got to hang out with today were almost never part of the problem. They are a great group of people who I had a lot of fun with. We did a lot of good work and had lots of laughs over almost three years.

Tomorrow will be my last day of unemployment before starting in a new place. As I have said before, it will just be a couple of blocks away, but it will definitely be a big change. I spent some time the day preparing for my transition in the being sharply dressed. My wife is very excited about that change, but I'm not thinking it will be much fun. It all begins at 8:00 on Monday morning though.

Today's Playlist:
Explosions in the Sky - All of the Sudden I Miss Everyone
Lassie Foundation - California

Oh The Times They Are A'Changing

Well, it has been a while since I have posted. When I started this blog, I made a conscious effort to try not to ever start a post with those words. I don't think I have done it so far, but even still, I decided to break that rule with this post. The reason I haven't posted isn't that I haven't had time, or I haven't had anything to post about. Mainly, I didn't post because the overarching theme of the new year so far has been my search for a new job. Since I didn't want to screw up things with the job I currently have, I didn't think that posting about that would be wise.

Not feeling like I should talk about that changed last Thursday when I formally accepted a job with a new company, and subsequently gave my two weeks notice at my current job. It has been an odd but exciting past several days. I am looking forward to making a change that I think will be a good one. The last several months have been really toxic at work for me. I have felt like I should probably go for a while, and events over the last few weeks have really confirmed that as the correct decision.

The job is still in the financial world, this time at an investment bank, and my new building will only be two blocks away from my old one. I will have to step it up in the dressing up department, which is one of my bigger fears about the new job. I'll have to see what I think of having to wear a stinking tie every day. The people at the new place have been great so far, and I think the work will be interesting. It will be tough to leave behind friends at the old place though. At least we will still be close by, and hopefully they will still be up for a La Fiesta Fruits run now and then.

I'm going to go for now, but I do have tons of things to post about when I finally sit down to write some more later this week. Here's a list of potential topics:
- The Michael Roe vs. Michael Pritzl show I saw Friday night
- The way that community is really starting to feel a bit more real to me, and God is using that in me
- The genius of Bill Mallonee
- Current listenings including the new Patty Griffin disc
- A really sappy post

If there are any of those topics that you want to read more than any others, let me know, and maybe I'll write about it first. I have a lot to say at the moment, but realistically, I won't get the words all down before I decide to start writing about something different.

Day 28 - The End of the Season

Well, the Ags just ended their season with a wimper. The game was a pretty bad loss, and coupled with an Okie State win, and UCLA's loss last night, my bowl pick'em ranking is going to take a big hit. At least the Mavs had a good win tonight. Sitting there during the game thinking about what I was going to write tonight, I decided that I'd end my season with a wimper tonight too.

It has been 28 days of posting. Some post have been rants, some have been decently thought out, and some (especially these last couple) have been thrown together at the last moment just to get something up to meet a requirement I set for myself. I am glad that I have posted a bunch, but at least for now, I am going to take a break. I'll be back posting in a few days, but probably I'd doubt I'll be back to posting one a day. Thanks for reading, and the encouragment I have gotten from comments both on here and outside of here.

Today's Playlist:
Hood - Outside Closer
16 Horsepower - Low Estate
Israel Kamakawiwo'ole - Facing Future
Joseph Arthur - Come to Where I'm From
Isis - Oceanic

Day 27 - Back to the Grind

I spent most of today with my head down coding away at my project at work. Days like today usually feel pretty short, and today was no exception. I get a lot done and spend less time looking at the clock, but I don't like being so disconnected. There are going to have to be a lot more days like today between now and January 16th though.

For tonight, I am going to keep on with the trend of mindless short writings and go watch some football. The UCLA/FSU game is looking pretty interesting from the score. I hope UCLA wins. My bowl pick'em ranking depends on it.

Today's Long Playlist:
Sound Team - Movie Monster
Julie Miller - Broken Things
Justin Rosolino - Wonderlust
Voxtrot - Mothers, Sisters, Daughters, Wives
The Mountain Goats - Get Lonely
Danielson - Ships
Patty Griffin - Living With Ghosts
Nirvana - Unplugged in New York

Day 26 - Boxing Day

I don't know what I will title tomorrow's post. After a long day at work, not particularly bad, just long, I don't really want to sit down to write like I was planning on. I'll write more tomorrow and come up with at better title.

Today's Playlist:
Richard Buckner - The Hill
TV on the Radio - Return to Cookie Mountain
Mat Kearney - Nothing Left to Lose

Day 25 - Merry Christmas

Well, I have reached the end of the 25 days I allotted for my little experiment. I made my goal of posting every day. I fell quite short of my goal of spending time in the Word every day, though I did do much better than I was leading up to these 25 days. I listened to a lot of music, but that doesn't really suprise me.

I don't feel like I am quite ready to stop yet though. After not getting to sit down and write like I would have liked over the past few days, I think I want to extend things a couple more days. I got to thinking about some things over my time out of town, and I want to spend a bit more time with some of those things. The bottom line is that for at least the next three days, I will continue my streak. I don't have much more to say tonight other than that. Posting about posting.....isn't that awesome.

I hope you had a great Christmas day.

Today's Playlist (as selected by DJ A in the car all the way back from West Monroe):
Nicole Nordeman - Woven and Spun
Jennifer Knapp - Kansas
Kendall Payne - Jordan's Sister
Many many other female singers that I don't listen to aside from letting my wife drive the radio. Whatever Christmas songs the radio chose to play.

Day 24 – Christmas Eve

Christmas Eve came and went without much going on. It is almost over, and the weekend at A’s parents’ is winding down. It isn’t a bad thing to be away from my family for Christmas, but it is just different. I’ll sit down and finally write some more tomorrow when I get back to Dallas. It has been hard to find time to get away.

Day 23 – A Day at Home

It wasn’t my home, but it was home of a certain description. When we are at one of our homes or the other, life always seems much slower. For that weekend or whatever period of time being there is for, it is difficult to figure out what to do. There usually ends up being some degree of tv watching that wouldn’t be done otherwise. There usually ends up being some sort of moment where we do something that neither of us wants to do, but we do it anyway. It always seems like home never changes, but I feel like I have changed a lot every time I go back. That isn’t a 100% true statement, but it is something for me to ponder.

I have been away from “home” for a long time now. It has been eight years since I have spent significant time at “home.” I don’t feel like I have really replaced home yet. I am finally settling in to Dallas, and I think I could get used to the idea of it being where I am from. I am attached to the city. City life suits me well. There are all sorts of place to go, thing to see, and things to do. I can try new things. I can go cd shopping at tons of different places whenever I want to. Whatever I might need or want can usually be found somewhere. I think the last hurdle I have to really feeling at home there is to overcome the anonymity that city life makes so easy. When you take me and put me into a giant place with tons of new people, I have a tendency to fade into the background. I don’t do anything to stick out, and I don’t make any effort to make things any different. Home cannot be that. Home is where you know and are known. There really isn’t time tonight to write out things like I would like to. I’ll have to come back to all of this a different day.

I am still staying put in the beginning of Luke. I guess I am about four times through it as of today.

Today’s Playlist:
Many songs on the radio in the car
Over the Rhine – Drunkard’s Prayer

Day 22 – Travel Day

This begins posts that I wrote over the weekend while I was out of town. None of them are anything more than half begun thoughts and some very boring commentary on the day. I didn't even listen to much interesting music any day other than Day 22. I'll post them all anyway though just for the sake of being complete. I am going to extend writing a couple more days though to flesh out a few more thoughts. I backdated these posts to approximately the time I wrote each of them.

I didn’t get to it down and write as much as I had hoped today. The morning got away from me really quickly. Everything seemed to take a little longer than I wished it would. We made it to West Monroe with no problems though. On the way I got to talk to some folks including my friend, Jason. I never get to talk to him as much as I wish I did. It was good to talk to him for a few minutes, and it will be ever better to see him and Lori next weekend.

Today’s Playlist:
Smile, Smile - Blue Roses
Early Day Miners - All Harm Ends Here
Appleseed Cast - Low Level Owl, Vol 1

Day 21 - Done With Work For the Week

A late decision on my part to take tomorrow off left today as the last day I will be working for my 25 days of posting. I have written at length about work, but I haven't come to any real conclusions. It has been good to vent though. I have a sneaking suspicion that I will go back to these posts a year from now and upon rereading them, wonder what I was thinking. Only time will tell.

We leave tomorrow just after lunch to head to West Monroe. I'll sit down and write some more before then. Posts on Saturday and Sunday might have to wait until we get back in town to be posted, but I will definitely make every attempt to write them on the correct days.

Today's Playlist:
Ninety Pound Wuss - Shorthand Operation
A.C. Newman - The Slow Wonder
T-Bone Burnett - The True False Identity
Sleeping at Last - Ghosts of Christmas Past

Day 20 - Five More to Go

Only five days left. I can't believe I have made it without skipping out. I was about to not write anything tonight, but I decided that a little something was better than nothing. Adrian is out of school for two weeks starting today. That isn't fair. I do have a hurdle that I just jumped that I am excited about. Now isn't the time to talk about that though. Now is the time to stop writing.

Today's Playlist:
Mum - Finally We are No One
Rosie Thomas - These Friends of Mine
Woven Hand - Mosaic

Day 19 - Rainy and Nasty

Today was a blah day. Work was the usual, except with more Santa hats and some food. It was a pretty bad day, but I can probably blame my bad attitude for it as much as I can anything else today. The weather fit the mood pretty well though. The free food around lunch time did leave me with a great time to get out and read about the birth of Christ during my lunch.

I walked down to sit by the fountains at one of the buildings a couple of blocks from mine, and with a slight drizzle falling for most of the time, I read through the second chapter of Luke. I thought about the inconvenient timing of God's plan for the birth of His son. No human would choose that timing. Two couples that mean a lot to me have just welcomed new babies into their families this week. Both couples are amazing Godly people, but I can't help but think they wouldn't be pleased with similar circumstances surrounding the birth of their children. I feel like both couple are sensitive to God's purposes for their lives, but I would imagine that they would be hard to convince if they were told that God's plan for them was to welcome their new baby into the world from an unclean, unequipped location.

It's a really broad generic statement, but I want to be more prepared for God's direction than I am. I am too easily absorbed by how I think things should go. I have spent so much on my plan that I have left little attention to the direction of Him in my life. Even aside from the person of Jesus, God's plan for Jesus' birth is yet another example straight out of His word that should have a major effect the way I relate to Him. I know I can trust His plan. It may not sound perfect, but it is.

Today's Playlist:
Michael Pritzl - Hollow Songs
Antony and the Johnsons - I Am a Bird Now
Ben Folds - Rockin' The Suburbs
Bill Mallonee - Dear Life
Explosions in the Sky - The Earth is Not a Cold Dead Place
Hood - The Lost You EP

Day 18 - How Did it Sound?

I'm not going to complain today. I don't want to go down that path tonight.

I spent some time reading up to the Christ's birth in Luke today. From the view that hit me today, I couldn't help but think of how it would be much different the story of Zechariah and Elizabeth leading up to the birth of John the Baptist, and the story of Mary and Joseph leading up to the birth of Jesus would be portrayed today. Zecharaiah and Elizabeth would make for a great story in the oddities section. Mary and Joseph would make a juicy story for the news magazines to pick up on. "Delusional Teenager Thinks She is Pregnant with Son of God, and Get This...Fiancé Believes Her Too" These two stories show a lot of faith on the part of a lot of normal people, not to mention the hugeness of God's love for us. Luke 1 is a great example of people who were far less cynical than I am. They believed God for what He said. There was some doubt....it even caused a case of muteness, but they trusted His plan and saw amazing things.

Today's Playlist:
Shearwater - Palo Santo
Band of Horses - Everything All the Time
The Paper Chase - God Bless Your Black Heart
Margot and the Nuclear So and So's - The Dust of Retreat

Day 17 - Lazy Sunday to Follow Lazy Saturday

Once again, not much to say about today. I enjoyed being at church today though. The music and the message had me quite moved. I'll probably talk some more about the message a different day when I want to sit down and write some more. I think it is certainly worth a listen. It should show up at www.watermarkradio.com sometime this week. The topic was kindness, and it was a message I needed to hear today.

Got to play some tennis and hang out a bit with Mr. Pennington this evening. That always makes for good times and usually bad tennis. I should have beat him today, but my serve disappeared late in the set. The exercise is good though.

Today's Playlist:
The Futureheads - The Futureheads
Midlake - The Trials of Van Occupanter
Modern English - After the Snow

Day 16 - Lazy Saturday

Today was a pretty lazy day. Got up and did a few things. Went back to sleep. Tried to brave the post office and gave up. We did go shopping a bit, but it wasn't anything too major, and we tried to avoid hot spots. We didn't have much success, but we did survive.

Today's Playlist:
Astronautalis - Mighty Ocean and Nine Dark Theaters
Sufjan Stevens - Chrismas Vols 3 and 4