Last Place

When I got to Dallas, my only real remaining sports affiliation was anything Aggie, but mostly football. I quickly had to start watching Cowboys games again because it was always a part of the Monday conversation. After buying some cheap tickets to a game, I got really into following the Mavs. Over the past three seasons, I have gone to quite a few games, and spent a lot of time watching them. Last year, around playoff time, I even jumped on the Stars bandwagon. Aside from the Rangers, I was finally becoming a good Dallas sports fan.

So far, this season has been a tough time to be a fan of all of these teams. It was a bad season to have season tickets for the Aggies. We couldn't even give away tickets to most every game. The Cowboys haven't been fun to watch, and the losses end up just making my morning and afternoon radio time be boring. My first Mavs game attended of the season ended Friday with a really big choke (though the cat fight two rows in front of us certainly was worth the price of admission). I haven't even had the motivation to watch the Stars stink it up so far. All of my teams are currently in last place in their division. I feel like I can relate.

I'm not a very competitive person. I have never been that good at sports. I don't think I really spend much time trying to keep up with other people. I don't have a drive to be extremely wealthy. I just want to do a good job at things. I want to be a good follower and listener to Chirsts direction. I want to be a good husband. I want to be a good friend. I want to be a good enough handyman to be able to fix random crap around my house.

I have been dealing with a lot of self doubt again lately. I finished up a project at work that went well, but not as well as I would have hoped. I have been as loving as I would like to be to my wife and friends. I am way behind in getting an important piece of work done for a group I been in at church. I am sitting in my freaking garage again because I can't fix the washing machine drain and haven't called someone out to look at it. I end up feeling like I can't do anything to fix any of the situations I am in. I blame other people and am not fun to be around. It leads to laziness. It leads to anger. It all takes me further from those things that I just said I want to be. It is a cycle that I hate. It always seems to sneak up on me when things are going well, and I often lack the discipline to do anything about it. I am reminded Monday after Monday that I am not in control, but I still try to be.

Recent Playlist:
Jonathan Tyler & The Northern Lights -Hot Trottin'
Pedro the Lion - It's Hard to Find a Friend
Regina Spektor - Begin to Hope
16 Horsepower - Sackcloth 'n Ashes
The Hold Steady - Stay Positive
The Evens - The Evens
Cryptacize - Dig That Treasure
Youth Group - Casino Twilight Dogs
David Crowder Band - Remedy
Creeper Lagoon - Take Back the Universe
Costa Music - Lighter Subjects
Deerhunter - Microcastle
Ra Ra Riot - The Rhumb Line
Townes Van Zandt - Townes Van Zandt
The Notwist - The Devil You + Me
The Arcade Fire - Neon Bible
Hayden - Elk-Lake Serenade
Dosh - The Lost Take
Duvall - Volume & Density
Julie Miller - Broken Things
The Ladybug Transistor - The Albemarle Sound
John Vanderslice - Time Travel is Lonely